Lopez Blogs

The video above of Same Difference may even eclipse the utter wonderfulness of I Don’t Feel Like Dancing. But more on that in a bit ~ Let’s review last night’s X Factor show, where Louis was very bitchy and drunk. Sheesh…

* Rhydian is up first and let me tell you why I have started to hate him. And it isn#t even really his fault. It’s just that ITV, Dermot and the judges have already decided he has won. And he probably deserves to win but a) I hate the presumption and the little manipulations (the voice over lady before the show says “It’s the X Factor and will Rhydian have the crowd on their feet again this week?” and Dermot practically builds the show around him, and oh, when is Dermot going to get a fucking suit that fits!) and b) that means Same Difference won’t win (which I am resigned to and am even resigned tragically to them going next week) so ergo he is the true enemy. Anyway his performance of Queen’s Somebody to Love was quite mediocre for him and lacked a certain sparkle. I am slightly delighted.
* Next is (No) Hope. They sing 2 Become 1. Because it shows they can all sing. Sadly it shows that even the Spice Girls are better vocalists than they are. They were wise to put the freakishly tall girl on the smallest box, she is Hagrid to their Harrys. It is not very good, but it is Hope (hore) so what can one expect? In their favour after singing Hurt and Back To Black in the past few weeks, those songs have rocketed back into the download charts, so at least they can sell other people’s music.
* That evil cow Niki is next. She is glad Beverley is gone. What a thing to say! She sings Total Eclipse of the Heart in a dress that shows far too much of God’s expansive canvas for my liking (though really at the moment I’m one to judge!) and i’m very annoyed that it is quite good. At least Dannii reminds the audience that she was totally out of tune last week. Sharon tells Simon that it is annoying to call Niki a mom singing at a wedding, then says Niki is doing it for working moms everywhere. Niki looks all smug and I so want to smash her face in with a giant mince pie, but i’m a pacifist so i don’t.
* Yay! Same Difference! Sarah and Sean are as gorgeous as ever in the VT that runs before their clip and i am already smiling before I have even gotten to their performance. They do Any Dream Will Do, which could have been a total disaster, but they bring a children’s choir on and hug them at the end. Darren quite wittily says, thats what came back to haunt Michael Jackson with Earth Song at his Jesus Juicing trial. I ignore him because i won’t live in a world where Same Difference are slighted. Louis of course hates it, Simon loves them and Sean puts his arm around dermot, and i’m pretty sure his too tight trousers bulge a little. (Sean and Dermots)
* Ah it’s Leon who i can never understand. Not because he is Scottish but because he is annoying and mumbles. He does a Queen song (because best of british week is all about Queen apparently) and it’s so dull i can’t even remember what it is. It’s pretty boring though. Like Leon. Who i am terrified will be in the final 3 instead of Same Difference. Boo you whore.

• Oh god! There are two songs for each contestant this week because God forbid that ITV should have to fill it’s schedule with anything else! Bernice and I are bored so decide we look like Same Difference in 20 years time. I think that’s fairly true…
• And talking of which Same Difference are back! Singing Wake Me Up Before You Go Go! And it’s bloody marvelous! As you can see in the video clip above! How much more adorable can these two get? I am totally in love. Anyway, it is vocally very good too. Louis seems to think that only children are voting for them, which strikes me as a bit derogatory to children. Surely they are allowed an opinion too? They were useful enough to Louis when he trotted them out for evil Beverley who gave up teaching them to be on tv. Stupid tosser. (Both of them ~ L&B) Viva same difference.
• Niki is back doing a song for her dad who is still dead. Honestly, some people have no shame. It’s that song by Eva Cassidy (who is also dead and probably singing it much better to niki’s dad in heaven) Fields of Gold and it is dull and boring. Niki thinks Simon doesn’t like her which is why he can’t make up his mind about her. Or you egotistical hag, it could be that he gives you honest comments and sometimes you are ok and others, like this week, you are dreadful. Talking of dreadful…
• Leon sings the long and winding road. It is utterly tuneless and quite quite awful. Much like his outfit. I mean, wtf! His grandad top and waistcoat were nice, but now he looks like a circus conductor. Amazingly all the judges say it was very good. Louis is so drunk this week. At some point, I can’t remember when he really hatefully says to Dannii “what would you know about hit singles?” which she classily chooses to ignore. Cos she has only had 8 top ten hits and 13 club number ones, Louis you hatefilled little shit.
• Hope sing We Will Rock You and reach new levels of awfulness, which is quite astonishing really since i was pretty convinced they had plumbed the barrel. The entire thing is a mess of gargantuan proportions. Really awful. I am shuddering at the memory.
• Rhydian finishes (because it is the Rhydian factor) and its a hymn and its again a bit uninspired. But it is Rhydian, this years winner. They have probably already printed off 1 million copies of his single When You Believe. Boo those whores. Oh but Dannii does say at one point that Rhydian may not have dead parents but he does have emotion, and i have new respect for her and the audience who i thought might boo her for being honest.
• The results! In no particular order its down to Same Difference and Hope. Both Simon’s acts. Though Dermot does say it is still in no particular order, so I am given hope (not Hope) for SD. Mercifully those skanky hos are out of there and SD live another week. Hope of course say that they will stay together but i’m pretty sure the one with the comedy hair will have signed a solo deal and use the sharp pen to stab the others in the back. The end.