Lopez Blogs

THE ONE WHERE SIMON TAKES CONTROL:

Good morning dear Zapolytes, we are gathered here today to discuss the current state of pop music. I was initially recruited by the one and only PaulZapping a few weeks back to jot down my two cents regarding Britney’s new effort, Blackout, but since it could very well quite possibly be the most over-reviewed pop album of the millennia we shall cover it spark-notes-style;

Britney Spears ~ Blackout:

The album is great; a veritable exposition of the slickest, most-futuristic electronic pop-production that money could buy, but the most Britney-less of all her albums. If ever a critic were to criticize her for having “computers do all the work,” (as if THAT has ever happened) this would be the enormous box of evidence marked “exhibit A.” Bloodshy, Avant, and Danja shine like the top of the Chrysler building, but it is unfortunate that Britney’s involvement feels like an afterthought.

There we go, enough said about that. Now on to a few other albums making splashes in the wide, wide ocean of pop that haven’t yet been reviewed to death…yet being the operative word.

Private ~ My Secret Lover:

I can thank monsieur Robinson over at Popjustice for handing me this gleaming golden treasure of a pop group. Private’s album, “My Secret Lover” could quite possibly be the most dynamic debut from any pop group, ever. Truly. With Thomas Troelsen (of former rock outfit, Superheroes) at the helm, this Danish group is sure to be a mainstay in the pop blogosphere for many a year to come. You simply can’t ask for more instantly catching, delightful pop tunes than what they deliver on this record.

I could dissect this album piece by piece, but honestly, this ten-track gem doesn’t need it. Take Prince (80’s Prince, not the lackluster, over-inflated midget he grew into) and Michael Jackson (again, 80’s Jackson, not the horrifying albino, child-molesting creature he grew into), throw em’ into a blender, and you have the sound that Private has perfected in “My Secret Lover.” Truly an instant classic. I just can’t get enough of this record, and have been shamelessly plugging it to all of my friends for weeks. I think you will thank me if I can convince you to take a listen.

Key tracks are “Crucify My Heart,” “We Got Some Breaking Up To Do,” title track “My Secret Lover,” and “Killer On The Dancefloor.”

Leona Lewis ~ Spirit:

A handful of good songs shine on one of the most lackluster albums this side of Celine Dion…

Seriously, have you read the all-star roster of producers and songwriters on this thing? It’s unbelievable! What is even more unbelievable, however, is how truly boring this record turned out to be. I, along with everyone else in the known universe, fell utterly in love with the humble lass sporting the diva pipes who took over the last season of X Factor. Along with everyone else in the world, I waited with bated breath to hear what Simon Cowell would do with his newfound ingénue, and now, along with everyone else in the world, I am settling for a record that bores me to tears.

Ryan Tedder, who produced first single, “Bleeding Love,” and powerhouse pop monster ballad, “Take A Bow,” should’ve have been given reign over the entire project, as his creations are hands down the best of the bunch. “Take A Bow” is incredible; a modern take on the pop ballad formula that is riveting to the very end, truly chilling and rather unique despite it’s lyrical similarities to Madonna’s song of the same name. Jörgen Elofsson lends “Homeless,” formerly of Darin Zanyar fame, to the belty wonder to great avail, and J. R. Rotem, a producer who has never impressed me, creates early Mariah magic on “Better In Time.” Billy Steinberg, writer of Madonna’s “Like A Virgin” also brings out Leona’s inner Mimi on my personal favorite, “The Best You Never Had;” a song that is just begging for a long, windows-down drive on PCH in the summer. Besides that, there is not much there. Yes there is some great balladry to be found in other songs on the album, but for the most part, “Spirit” is as dispirited a debut anyone could have prayed Leona’s fleet of behind the scenes puppeteers would’ve avoided. Speaking of snoozefests this side of a Celine Dion album…

Celine Dion ~ Taking Chances:

This piece of tripe should be re-titled “Taking Massive Dumps,” (editor: “Lovely!!”) cause that’s exactly what Celine and co. did on this pointless record. I know Paul loved it, but I just can’t see how. Kristian Lundin’s “Eyes On Me” is good (not as good as I would’ve expected from the Swedish luminary, but good nonetheless), and the much anticipated cover of “Alone” produced by Ben Moody is unfortunately nothing more than a glorified American Idol performance. I cannot believe how underwhelmed I am by it, I had such high hopes!I’ve listened to this album several times through now, and each time was more painful than the last; mainly due to the fact that I knew nothing worth listening to loomed on the horizon. “Umbrella” maestro Tricky Stewart gives Celine a nice ballad in “Skies of LA,” but even that is utterly boring. Why oh why does Celine Dion, one of the biggest talents in pop music history, consistently have such HORRIBLE albums? Her career is littered with amazing singles, but not one single album is worth a rat’s ass. Can no one tame this woman’s clearly horrible taste and give the world a Celine album worth buying (not to mention, listen to)??? Oy vey

(and is it just me, or is her blatheringly ridiculous accent getting worse as time goes on? hmmm)

Duran Duran ~ Red Carpet Massacre:

In a nutshell, Futuresex/Lovesounds 2.

“Falling Down” is quite nice, but unfortunately Timbo and friends have beaten this horse to the ground. Too bad Simon Le Bon and friends didn’t saddle up last year.

Kylie ~ X:

I’ve always been such a sucker for the pint-sized poptart, but now that she’s a fellow cancer buddy, I hold her closer to my heart than ever. She is one of those artists who I never expect too much from, but always expect to be pleased by. This album is no exception. While more pretentious critics may chide Kylie for keeping things superficial on a record following up what can only be assumed was one of the most trying times in the singer’s life, I have to agree with Paul’s assertion that this is what Kylie loves to do, and this is what we love to get from Kylie. I would honestly be a bit unnerved to pop in a sparkly new Kylie comeback record to find nothing more than a collection of dark, piano-driven dirges.

I just downloaded the record, and am still digesting it a bit, but I can safely say that I am as pleased as I was with “Body Language.” Several songs here will remain with Kylie throughout her career, and the rest will inevitably fade into back-catalogue obscurity, but as long as she keeps churning out delectable treats such as “The One” and “Nu-di-ty” I will not complain in the slightest.

Speaking of “Nu-di-ty,” I must say that Bloodshy and Avant deserve a bloody award and that I would give my left nut to work with them! *sigh

My favorites so far are “Like A Drug,” “Speakerphone,” “The One,” and “Nu-di-ty.”

One Republic ~ Dreaming Out Loud:

My fellow Tulsan, Ryan Tedder, has done rather well for himself in the past year. I first took notice of him when I fell instantly in love with Hilary Duff’s “Gypsy Woman,” and a little research revealed that he not only was poised to become quite the “it” producer, but also a major star in his own right as the frontman for OneRepublic, a band who’s internet omnipresence had everyone and his brother humming “Apologize” long before Timbo turned it into a “Timbaland feat. OneRepublic” affair (by spicing up the percussion a notch and throwing in a howler monkey) a year later.

I’ve listened to this record about three times so far, and I have a feeling that it is going to grow on me. As a writer for my highschool newspaper back in the day, I made the grave mistake of completely trashing Coldplay’s “A Rush of Blood To The Head” as a “boring, monotonous mess”, that later grew to be one of my favorite albums. Now why this might not quite be “Rush” in any sense, I am starting “Dreaming Out Loud” the same way I started the former; a bit bored, but somehow mesmerized into repeat listens, which, in the case of Coldplay, inevitably led to adoration. Could OneRepublic be the American answer to Keane, Coldplay and the like? We shall see indeed…