Lopez Blogs

It wasn’t just any weekend - it was M&S (Mark and Simon) weekend:

• Darren and I travelled down Friday evening and arrived to find the lovely banner you see above these very words pinned up to the wall. Though I have to say, I had been sitting down for about 30 seconds before I even noticed. I am so Farrah sometimes…
• Markie cooked us a delicious pasta meal which actually could have fed about 5000 people. It was most delicious but I think my belly expanded several sizes and the button of my jeans was in danger of popping off and blinding someone.
• We then all drove to this lovely little pub overlooking the thames where we all had some deliciously warm mulled wine (it was bloody freezing out) and Darren taught us how to sing the “big -lay-dee” part of Mika’s Big Girls (You Are Beautiful). None of us were as good as he was!
• Something slightly mortifying happened in the car on the way back. Not only did Darren and I decide that we liked 2 songs by an artist we loathe (Amy Winehouse) but i also sort of liked a Robyn song.
• The Wino songs were Back in Black and Valerie (not Veronica as Darren shamefully thought it was called) and the Robyn song I think was Should Have Known (does she say Fuck a lot in that? It’s not big or clever :P) See what happens when you are a bit tipsy and not really paying attention!
• As much as DazPillow and I love Simark, we have always had disasterous sleeping arrangements there - first time the blow up mattress defleated in the night and last time was a sofabed from, well not hell, but definitely heck, which is actually a suburb of hell (just with better cable tv and lower taxes)! The bed this time was a miracle of comfortosity and I slept like a little baby. Which is a strange expression cos so often babies don’t sleep when you want them to do they?
• Saturday morning rolled around frosty and chilly, but meant that London was a picturesque christmas card - not quite as lovely as Warwick or Stratford, but as a commercial shopping image, it was awash with sparkling lights and innovative window displays.
• Simon and Mark took FOREVER to get ready (possibly because their retinas were damaged by Mark’s sparklingly, american film star teeth-white trainers) but that’s ok because there was no rush!
• Shopping in London was amazingly hectic but fun too. We had lunch at Starbucks (of course) where Simon felt it was appropriate to throw his Gingerbread Latte on the floor, which miraculously missed all his clothes and just splashed Mark’s sparklingly white trainers. Oh dear. Wasting Starbucks is almost a crime.
• While all this was going on, Darren and I were gobsmacked by a woman who walked past dressed head to toe in fur (fake or real, it was a bloody crime against fashion and nature) who was just so plastic, possibly just 2 botox shots and some collagen injections away from being Jackie Stallone. It’s rude to stare so we just pointed and tittered.
• Once we were all shopped out, we met up with some friends Claire and Becky for early evening drinks. Reading out the Scallylads phoneline titles at the back of Boyz magazine is a childish but fun way to pass the time ~ “Come check my underwear for stains”, “Bazza was missing his bird so I licked his balls” and the charming “I noshed off the DSS officer for a crisis loan”. Um, lovely?
• Watching The X Factor in a bar with tons of people is much different to watching it at home with friends. More on that in main blog, but basically the crowd didn’t like Hope, Alisha or Leon. They loved Same Difference. What’s not to love?
• It was Girls Aloud at G-A-Y, so of course the bloody place was packed out. More on them when I review their only ok so far after one listen album Tangled Up. However, dancing to their tunes all night was loads of fun. Mark wiggled his hips while Simon thrusted. They were practically hurting for a squirting from each other. Shocking!
• 2 Hearts does sound quite good on the dancefloor!
• We met a lovely girl from new zealand on the way back from G-A-Y while we were comparing the size of our feet! Oh the things you do!
• Now we are home and the weekend is sadly over

The skinny:

• Picture ~ Me, but designed of course by Simark
• Starbucks ~ Caramel Macciato, not thrown on the floor
• Reading ~ The Christmas Book
• Listening ~ Amy Winehouse, Back To Black
• Simpsons ~ the one where Lisa manages to pass herself off as a college student