Lopez Blogs

Oh hideous putrid weekend. Most loathsome finish to a week most foul. I'm ill. It's not particularly a cold per se. I am dead dizzy though and keep having hot flushes and clammy sweats. I;m both sweaty betty and clammy pammy. I have googled my symptoms and apparently I am suffering from the menopause. Who knew? Anyway, as I cough and splutter and sweat in my arse (I seriously didn't know that was possible. Perhaps it has happened before and I assumed it was a natural lubricant?), here are some high and low lights of the week...

MY WEEKEND WITH CHRISTOPHER CICCONE:

Oh dear. What a fraught relationship Chris and Madz must have right now. I'd be furious if someone had put out a book about me that was as boring and predictable as this one! There are two main reasons for that - one is that I spent all week trying to find it (even to find Borders on Oxford Street would rather stock volumes of Katie Price novels and then get the fame hungry ho down there to sign them) so built up the anticipation a bit too much; two - all the best bits had already been in the newspapers. I pretty much had read the whole thing in about 24 hours and was stunned - STUNNED - to read the following "revelations":

• Madonna is a bit of a bitch who will step on anyone in her pursuit of fame, even using her dead mothers grave.
• Christopher is a bit bitter that he didn't really get much out of being Madonna's brother but is quite happy to live in her world and constantly work with her because "she needs him"
• Madonna doesn't have the best voice in the world. Oh my!
• Some of the myths of Madonna's past aren't strictly true! Who would've thought?!

If you detect a tone of sarcasm, it's because one can't help but feel that Chrissy has glossed over his own flaws and the best bits of his life with Madonna in order to preserve his relationship with her. He can be incredibly catty at times with some sly digs about her choice of singles, men, movies, the lot and works in scarcely disguised barbs with bitchy malevolence and ease. It's a pretty onesided account, as you would expect it to me, but that does mean there isn't much objectivity and I doubt that I will read it more than once. stick with Rupert Everett. It's far more entertaining.

THE POOPARAZI:


Some kind soul sent me the badly photo shopped but quite hilariously written little postcard this week featuring my fave Irish star in waiting, Robert O'Connor. Frankly there is nothing wrong with a bit of boozing when things go a bit tits up in life, so I fully approve of his actions, if not his t-shirt. Check this lovely pic out of his new single cover, while popping over to this website to vote for his songs and help get Robert back on the straight and narrow. Whatever that means:P

CATCHING UP WITH ALEXIS MORRELL CARRINGTON COLBY DEXTER ROWAN:

I am always quite enamoured of people with a huge amount of surnames. Like Liza Minelli Allen Haley jr Gero Gest or Elizabeth Taylor Hilton Wilding Todd Fisher Burton Burton Warner Fortensky or even Zsa Zsa Gabor Belge Hilton Sanders Hutner Cosden Ryan O'Hara de Alba Prinze Von Anhalt. But the best people with multiple married names are always in soaps - like Tanya Turner Laslett Gates Turner Federico Bardosa and of course, the lady named in the sub heading above. Darren and I have started to watch our 9 years of tivo'd Dynasty this week - skipping the boring season one (apart from getting to ogle at Steven Carrington and Jeff Colby) and moving straight onto where Alexis arrives. Love how they conveniently forget they have two other children besides Steven and Fallon at the start of year two... and how I have all the insane plotlines to look forward to that were only rivalled later by Sunset Beach. The show sadly would never work today - the scenes are too long, the cast too old and there isn't enough nakedness on a beach to work for the OC audiences of today. Still as a reminder of the opulent 80s, it's a fittingly guilty pleasure. Now, as Alexis herself once said "take this junk, and your blonde tramp and get out of my house". Fantastic.

THE FIZZYPOPTASTIC 21 SONGS OF THE WEEK:

21 - Bryn Christopher, The Quest (NE) (thanks to Philworrapolava)
20 - Madonna, Four Minutes
19 - Jack McManus, Bang On Your Piano
18 - BWO, Lay Your Love On Me
17 - Jonas Bros, Burning Up
16 - Alphabeat, Boyfriend (NE)
15 - Enrique, Can You Hear Me?
14 - Infernal, Downtown Boys
13 - David Jordan, Set The Mood
12 - Sophie Ellis Bextor, Heartbreak Makes Me A Dancer
11 - Rongedal, Who Do You Think You're Fooling?
10 - Maroon 5 ft Rihanna, If I Never See Your Face Again
09 - Jason Mraz, Lucky
08 - Kylie, The One
07 - Madonna, Give It 2 Me
06 - The Feeling, Turn It Up
05 - Regina Spektor, The Call
04 - McFly, One For The Radio
03 - BWO, Bells of Freedom
02 - Lily Allen, GWB
01 - Miley Cyrus, 7 Things (2 weeks)

More Sunday with review of the new McFly album and monday with a review of the new Will Young single. Be still my beating testicles...