Lopez Blogs

While waiting for the final auditions to air, I came across Joe McElderry. Not literally of course, that would be wildly inappropriate. No, his new single finally aired on radio. It's called Ambitions and even though I didn't really want him to win X Factor (I still feel he's more musical theatre bound) I was willing to give his solo career a try (The Climb notwithstanding as that was thrust upon whoever won). You know, Leona got the career defining Bleeding Love, Alexandra got the ballsy Bad Boys and even poor Leon got the very overlooked Don't Call This Love. What does Joe get? A cover version. Granted a cover version that the masses won't really know. And it's a fabbo song to be sure. But if you have already heard Donkeyboy's Ambitions, then there is no need to hear Joe's near note for note(ish) cover. Sure, it will probably be gobbled up and lauded an amazing hit. But i'm proper pissed off by this. Donkeyboy deserved to storm the UK with that song and become the pop legends they are in Norway. I only hope they take the money they make and come up with an even better "sophomore" album. I need to take two kalms now before the show starts...
EDIT: It's the morning after and the kalms have worked. I'm still grossly disappointed in the song choice but it's what the world has come to expect from SyCo (repurposing European hits that the general masses won't have heard - and I'm also informed the Leon song was actually a cover and reminded that Shayne Ward got No Promises, another cover) and i'm sure that it will do well for the little tyke (who looks quite nice on the album cover). I'm still sticking with Donkeyboy though...

• Damian Devine ~ love that "on the last day of auditions", the judges have changed clothes from the outside shots to the inside shots. Perhaps they were sweaty? Amazing. Damian Devine (his real name) looks like the River Island sales rack threw up on him, so it's probably fitting that he "butcher" (ho ho, cos she wore a meat dress don't you know) Poker Face. Well you can't fault his enthusiasm I suppose, even though he comes across like a dvd extra of a failed audition for the character of Kurt on Glee. It's a no. But a nice polite fella. (more "dance" filled auditions follow and all the judges change clothes intermittantly again).
• Tobias ~ He's 20 and had about 20 jobs. I'm 36 and have only had 6. Good grief. He looks on this as a job interview. He's doing well as he only says his name and he gets a massive scream. Nice hair. He's (daringly) doing the Moulin Rouge version of Your Song and oh, it's quite pleasant. He needs to stop holding his tummy while he sings though. "I'm worried that this will be your 21st job" Simon reasonably states. "I'm punctual" smiles Tobias and a nation falls in love with his cheeky charm. It's a yes. And then even more people get a yes! THIS IS UNPRECENDENTED AND NEVER HAPPENS ON THE X-FACTOR!!! :P (inc some girl whose name I missed but did an exquisite version of You Don't Have To Say You Love Me). (Actually lots of good auditions follow but none get enough time to do them justice).
• Harry ~ Androgynous 16 year old Harry is the lead singer of a band, who he has clearly ditched for this audition process. Lots of people kiss him before he goes on stage. I thought his mom was going to wet a tissue and dab at his face. He does Stevie Wonder (relevance alert) and I can't help but feel the audience are too quick in Manchester to holler their approval. He's barely done a note and they are screaming. Louis says no cos Harry is too young. This is ridiculous and an X Factor pet peeve of mine. It usually comes from Simon so it's a bit hypocritical when simon says this is a rubbish reason. Harry aka Mini-Mika gets through though.

• Diva Fever ~ Oh Christ. They liken themselves to Wham and I sort of like them before they've even sung a note. I'm confused by their Whammyness though when they sing Let It Be and are all solomn. it's nice but not particularly exciting. They then get to do Proud Mary instead (relevance alert). "I'm singing for my life cos I'm not having a no" sasses one. ooo get you. It's bloody brilliant. I LOVE THEM. They are my Same Difference for 2010. Louis (not shockingly) leads a trio of yesness!
• Richard ~ He's obviously this year's DILF. Wella t least it's an improvement of poor dead wife Daniel from a few years back. He's a pub singer and Simon tells him he has one tune to prove himself. Richard looks at him like this is brand new information. He settles on Higher & Higher (relevance alert). It's ok, at least he's more in time than his family's pitiful attempts to clap along. Louis reels out the "you've picked up too many bad habits in the clubs" line that comes up every year. The tears are starting to well. In Richard's eyes not mine. I couldn't care less, though it's a surprising no as there haven't been many non-comedy nos this year. Perhaps this is planning in advance and he is actually scripted to come back next year and prove the judges wrong.
• Marlon ~ Oh ok, I was wrong about Richard so Marlon gives being this year's DILF a bash. In a horrible t-shirt and a hat he's borrowed from Ortise JLS. He sings Ain't No Sunshine (relevance alert again) and does his own slightly weird version that doesn't sound contemporary at all, though you can see Simon thinking it is amazeballs (though not amazeballs enough to stop munching his nuts). Look, I didn't particularly like it or him but he's obviously through. Danyl 2.0
• Westlife ~ A new Westlife song is playing in the background and it's wonderfully orchestral, soaring and appropriately inspiring. I can't wait to hear the full version - let's hope the new album gets treated better than their last one :/ So much better than Joe...

NEXT WEEK - BOOTCAMP!!!