Lopez Blogs

It's week two of Don't Stop Believing and it's paused on the DVR - partly to cut out all the adverts that pay for shows like these (in your face Argos!) and partly because I have a large slice of toffee cheesecake on one knee, which makes it difficult to write at the same time. If you missed week one, then you will want to click here for all the (non) essential information that will bring you up to speed for week two. WHICH BEGINS NOW!!

The intro:

Last week apparently began with a bang. A whimper of a bang of viewer voting sentimentality madness, granted, but a bang nevertheless. Poor Dice. But week two is allegedly even bigger! Even though it is exactly the same. I quite like the groups number opening the show with the Prayer theme. It's better than I Gotta Feeling last week and puts me in a much better mood for the show. But by god there are a lot of people who spent a lot of money on teeth whitening products on that stage...

Emma, who used to be in some pop group (:P) introduces the judges. Chucky is growing on me. A lot. But no time to develop a crush, the first act is up...

The acts:

• DAWSON'S CREEK (not really): Before they even start, they say they are performing a mash up. This had better be an accurate description. They are singing I Want You Back (Jackson 5) with literally one line of Take That's Back For Good. SO NOT A MASH UP THEN!! They are dressed in rebellious school uniform attire - I would never have gotten away with such wanton dress sense at school in my day (that's a nice story grandpa!) They remind me a bit of S Club 8 just before the amazingly pop second album - energetic dancing, decent singing, but not quite there yet. Still, not a bad opening tune. PS, Tamsin looks bloody gorgeous this week...
• ROULETTE: Oh! Adorable! From S Club 8 to Hear'Say! I love that they are rehearsing in a back alley while a real life version of Jack and Vera Duckworth are looking on, all sorts of speechless! They do a futuristic looking visual matched to Take On Me/Starry Eyed. Whoever the lead singer girl is, is a spitting image of Alison Goldfrapp! I do quite like their look and the song works well enough (more of a mash up than the NOT A MASH UP predecessor) - quite entertaining overall. There is something I really like about them, despite not being the best ever...
• SING LIVE: Good god, there are millions of them. The producers concentrate on the Artie from Glee character to show that everyone can be in a choir (just in case Glee hasn't proven this enough already). They are wearing the cheapest costumes ever for a Queen medley (NOT A MASH UP). Their efforts at dancing are questionable, other than a bit of half hearted fisting here and there. "Wow, that was incredible" effuses Emma at the end, in television's most insincere moment this year. Chucky basically says that they did the minimum amout required and makes it sound like a compliment. He is getting more brilliant by the second...

• REDROOFIANS: Theatre school! Jazz hands! Splits! Sob story! It's for charity - they may as well go and join last week's winners in the "sadness factor final" in a few weeks time. They sing We Are Golden and it is utterly utterly dreadful. It's shouty, some of the solo voices make my ears literally (not literally, but figuratively at the very least) bleed and it's all over the shop - much like their colour palette. The judges are clearly watching a different performance because they rave about it. I have to take 2 valium before I can even carry on...
• BLOK: I'm aghast at the spelling. And they are cheerleaders, so they have to match the dizzying heights set by Paula Abdul vocally (though Vibeology remains an unappreciated classic). They certainly are putting more energy into Something Kinda Ooh than Girls Aloud ever did and their harmonies give it a certain something to make it seem a bit different. The dancing is ace, the song is not entirely awful, not entirely magnif, but they are my second favourite of the night. BTW, Emma Bunton can sound so patronising when she talks to these acts...
• THREE SPIRES: OMG, etc. They are from Coventry, which is where I work! I don't know whether this will make me like them more or less. I will try to remain impartial :P Someone describes them as chuffing brilliant. Oh. My. Days. They turn Total Eclipse Of The Heart into some sort of disco number, which would be considered avant garde had Nikki French and a Westlife Soundfactory edit not done it first... The bloke singer's voice sounds incredibly strained, and the girl just sounds shouty. Of course the judges think they are amazing. I'm honestly not sure what to make of them...

The supergroup:

What the chuffing nora is going on here? There are 5 new members! This is more confusing than Big Brother 11. They allegedly scoured the country for the new 5, but from memory the audition pod was only visiting two cities. Hmmm. Here it comes! My god there are ten! This is not So Solid. They are taking "super" to all new literal translations. Last week's performance was much more inventive, though this week has better dancing. Will there be 15 next week? Oh there will! Jesus Christ on a cross!

The results:

In the 15 minutes the phone lines were open, I'm sure millions of Britons made an informed choice on vocal/dance talent and not sentimentality like last week. Don't get me wrong, I sob along with a sob story like the rest of you, but this is a talent competition and that sometimes gets lost in the ethers of sniffy noses. Blok and Sing Live (the latter of whom can only have possibly got through because so many of their families were voting) are in the sing/dance (well sing in Sing Live's case) off for the wild card show. It's obvious that Three Spires have won because the camera focuses on their director before it's announced. Yup, they've won. So another week where I could give two hoots about the winner. Darn. There is always weeks 3-5. The judges put Sing Live through to wild card, because they are clearly insane. Boooo. I'll still be back next week though, in the hopes of someone good getting through to the final!!

Coming this week: Steve Anderson presents 2; The new Olly video deconstructed; fizzypop chronicles...