Lopez Blogs

Reality tv really does hook me in when it shouldn't. Usually, I'm just done watching something quite good by now (like The Apprentice - banished this year for a Junior version)then lose myself in something completely tacky (usually Big Brother) until X Factor returns and rules my life. This year, however, Big Brother has me ridiculously hooked all thanks to the will they won't they romance/not-romance/bad-romance of John James & Josie. Sigh. It takes me back to the days of Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman when it was silly goodness and L&C were flirting the shit out of each other and I would be glued to the tv waiting for them to get together (which ironically killed the show. How Moonlighting - so maybe JJ&J are wise to play the tease game!!) But something else has come along and will pass the weeks until a proper music reality show is back (yes, X-Factor). It's channel 5's (think CW, American readers) Don't Stop Believing.

The concept:

It's one of those common things in tv that seems like a good idea, but is often rushed and poorly executed. Take a genuine pop cultural phenomenon like Glee and mix it with something you know works (The X Factor) and you have Don't Stop Believing. Or Don't Stop Glee-lieving as it should have been called. What should have happened is a couple of weeks of "hilariously" bad audition from choirs around the country, followed by 8-10 acts doing a live number each week, with one being voted off at the end of each show. That way you get to connect with the acts, see who can handle a variety of different styles and start to build some excitement towards who wins. Sounds simple, right?

Wrong. What you get is 6 new acts each week (over 5 weeks), with one being crowned the ultimate victor based on the public vote (which lasted about 12 minutes. Literally - i'm not really sure how many people can have voted, but it's not the greatest time frame allowed is it?) Then there is this confusing mess where the acts in 2nd and 3rd place get to sing the same song again, and the judges (more on them shortly) then pick one to go through to the wild card round. I think this essentially means there will be 5 acts battling for the last place in the final, despite not being good enough first time round.

Then there is this really odd thing where there is a "supergroup". Now, to me the definition of a supergroup is people from existing famous groups coming together to form a new group. This is five nobodies (apart from someone who made Popstars: The Rivals final ten, quit and gave the world Nicola Girls Aloud. So essentially she created history) singing together. Even more baffling is the fact that more people just from the general public will be added next week. It's bizarro tv at it's best...

The Judges:

There is Anastacia. She has sometimes had some good pop records. There is Duncan "still from Blue". He also had some good pop records, just not on his own. There is Tamsin Outhwaite. She was incredibly annoying in Eastenders, but incredibly brilliant in Sweet Charity. Then there is the guy who choreographed High School Musical and worked on the Michael Jackson nearly-tour. He has an interesting jacket on. The whole shebang is presented by Emma Bunton who is not the world's best presenter, but at least tries to look enthusiastic about the show.

Week One:

I didn't decide to blog this show until it had nearly finished. With the x factor, I am a complete blogging nerd and make notes as the show goes on the air, screaming like a banshee at anyone who dares interrupt my allegedly witty train of thought. This will all be done from a vague hazy memory. So will not be as good. Which will really make you want to read on, won't it, but try and persevere. I shall probably make scathing notes next week...

• All of this week's choirs/gleeks open the show with that bloody I Gotta Feeling, which is still the most annoying cacophonous mess I've ever heard. Would it have killed them to open with All The Lovers?!
• The judges are introduced and when Emma is talking about dance moves, she pronounces precision as "pre-sizz-on", which strikes me as a bit odd. I suspect her lips were dry from the nerves. Or perhaps she couldn't read the autocue - her eye makeup was so heavily caked on, she would have had to tip her head forcibly back to get her lids to open. Like a baby doll.
• First up is Dice (above). They are very good. They sing a rather good, theatrical version of a song I don't know (but sounds very familiar). It's a bit cabaret, it's very entertaining and they interact as a group rather well. The judges love them and find it impossible to say anything bad about them. Emma reminds the audience for the second time that High School Musical/MJ Not-Tour has won an emmy.
• Next is The Clas-Six. Do you see what they did with their name? This is the crazy world of show choir kids. They sang Video Killed The Radio Star and it was weird. Just bizarre. But the judges thought it was wonderful. Again. This would never happen on the X Factor. The judges are contractually not allowed to give praise to two acts in a row.
• Step Up make me happy. They are dressed like they are S Club Juniors and prance around like they are in Hairspray. They do a medley (NOT A MASH UP) of Sign, Sealed, Delivered and Freedom. It's very infectious, happy making and glorious. Duncan Still From Blue reminds the world that he once was in the charts, indeed with this song. About 8 years ago. And this version is better.
• Manchester Show Choir don't really have the most innovative name, do they? And while they do a nice medley (sometimes mash up but essentially NOT A MASH UP) of Bad Romance-Poker Face, there is far too much going on and it sounds quite shouty. However, there is a bit of a sob story VT (which is actually quite sad, so I won't go on about it too much but it's typically manipulative tv on the part of the producers). Actually the more I revisit this track, the less appealing it gets!! Of course Emma patronisingly goes to Malcolm (the sob story VT dude)...
• There are more sad backgrounds with Singer Station. And again, genuinely a little bit sad, but just cloying sentimentalism that often wrecks the X Factor. They do a pleasant enough version of True Colours, and the bit with the paint is quite novel - it's all a bit sickly sweet. They are kids though so the judges find ways of saying pleasant things without actually saying they were phenomenal or phenomenally bad. They were neither. They just were.
• Finally, there is EsChoir. Oh ho ho ho again with the witty names. I quite liked this group. Partly because they are all men and well, you know. And partly because they did bring something slightly new to Sex On Fire. UNBELIEVABLY, Duncan says the performance made him uncomfortable because it was homoerotic. Someone needs to get this man a dictionary stat. Homoeroticism makes him uncomfortable. I am quite literally agog.
• Then there is the bizarre supergroup thing. They actually do a nice job of of singing lots of different songs over the instrumental to Don't Stop Believing. The blonde guy with too tight trousers on (How Olly Murs) is quite cute and sings She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5 so is instantly a-ok with me. Later on, while waiting to wave himself off, he looks like a cross between a deer caught in the headlines and a deer caught doing something else (I'm not sure what, but something a bit naughty)... It's not that they were bad. They weren't. I just don't get what they are doing there. Or why more people will be added. And they are excited about this! I would be all "bitch, get out of my supergroup now, we are fine as five!"...
• Then, Britain lets me down once again, because Singer Star win. WIN! As in through to the final. This is frankly bollocks. They were no way the best act on stage. But they are kids and have had tough lives and deserve a break, so Britain voted them through. When I put it like that, I sound a right bastard. I'm just bitter it wasn't Step Up (who could've introduced Britain to Darin's Step Up in a moment of post modern brilliance).
• More bollocks voting as shouty Manchester Show Choir get thru to the sing off. But so do Dice and it's literally a foregone conclusion. God knows what next week will bring.
• It's brilliantly awful and awfully hilarious. I'm hooked...