Lopez Blogs

I'm ill :( Again. I think I have a recurring bug. How hideous. And I'm meant to be seeing my beloved Candle Thieves tonight but think I will have to pass. Lucky for you, i typed these video breakdowns at the weekend inbetween mammoth X-Factor viewing. Enjoy :)

Take That ~ The Flood:

• Ooo, it starts in a tunnel. Tunnels are often metaphors for sex, so perhaps this is a continuation of the cock tease that was Grobbie's Shame video?!
• There is a rowing boat. It is called Progress. This is part of the lyrics of The Flood and also the title of the first Robbie-involved Take That album in 15 years. Five sets of oars and five pairs of feet appear to reinforce the fact that Robbie is back! Back in take that! As a five piece! just in case you didn't know. Which you probably did, but visual stimulation is a very effective memory tool...
• There are facial shots of all of them. Mark doesn't look as chagrinned as he possibly should, but maybe he is acting. They leave Robbie til last like it is the dramatic cliffhanger to a soap opera - like season one of Dynasty when Alexis Morrell Carrington (the Colby Dexter Rowan came later) marched in to give evidence at Blake's murder trial. God I'm showing my age.
• I like the fact that at 45 seconds they all walk in perfect union to pop the boat/canoe/pedalo into the river. It is more visual emphasis that Take That are back and more in sync than ever. Never Forget, etc.
• Robbie starts singing while they all limber up, eye up the competition (a rather foxy dude in a posh college sort of way) and give each other reassuring pats on the shoulder. I am loving Robbie's perfect, not a hair out of place side parting. It's tres derigour.
• Beardy guy fires the starting pistol and they're off! It's stroke, stroke, stroke (ooo calm down there pervs) and lots of strained sex faces. Team Take That don't seem to be doing very well (ie, they are coming second out of two)and there is lots of paddle bashing.
• (for more specifics on the sex faces, pause at 1m39, 1m43 and 1m48 to see Mark, Gary and Howard respectively. It's enough to give you a mini cosmic horn)...
• There's more Robbie singing in the second verse, interspersed with some arty shots of splashing water and some kids on the banks who look like they've escaped from the set of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. Narnia rules!
• I love the architecture of the bridge at 2m10s (arty) and if you pause at 2m26 you get a fairly accurate insight of what it is like to be Robbie Williams' dentist! Amazing!
• Then we go into Mark Owen's eye for a view of what it is like to be rowing for your life if you are General Zod in that prism thingy in Superman II. Luckily this doesn't last long as it is a bit offputting and they are soon all back in the changing room looking spiffy in shorts and white socks. It's an Eton College porn-lite fantasy waiting to happen!!
• Take That came second! This is what Grobbie felt like when Cee-Lo beat them to number one! it's a visual representation of what has come to pass! ooo it's almost biblical isn't it?!
• (Pause at 3m11s and Gary has got a definite expletive forming on his lips, the naughty boy...)
• Team Cee-Lo are rightly very happy with themselves (though in chart battle terms, this will not be happening to Take That when they go head to head with JLS. They will annihilate them!) They will probably go for tea at a quaint countryside cafe where they will victory feast on (each other) ginger beer, strawberries and lashings and lashings of cream...
• But lo! What madness is this?! Team Take That are still going! because it is not about the race, but the team work that helps them progress. or something. I really should have been an English Literature professor.
• The camera pans out at 3m39s and there is an ariel view of the river! how much did Eastenders pay for this advertising opportunity?!?!
• They are going to have brilliant arms after all this rowing. Perfect for holding you down (in a consensual non-rapey way of course!!)
• Rather predictably, they have ended up in the ocean in the middle of a storm. They have made progress in terms of miles covered and in terms of working as a team to get there. This should be used as a motivational tool at sales conferences etc.
• The song and video are both very good aren't they?

• It starts off all very underground resistance in an industrial looking setting, all bars, chains and makeshift computer terminals. Danny manages to hook up to some (probably not password protected) wi-fi and has a butchers at his own McFly supersite. I love a bit of cross promotion in a video...
• Oh my bad. Actually it's foxy band chick in her room who is disturbed from her reading to look at the new supersite, which features Tom having a good old singsong, possibly in the indoor rain...
• She asks the band what she needs to do... they basically carry on singing, while Dougie rubs his nose, probably deep in thought. What a conundrum!
• Don't worry though! Taio Cruz has popped along to help out and he has bought some quite bright backing lights and sexy dancer ladies to assist him! They climb all over the bars and do some robotic sexy dancing.
• Taio wisely keeps his sunglasses on. This is because the literal interpretation of Shine A Light is quite bright and just looking at the screen has hurt my retinas ever such a little bit.
• While this is going on, The Buff Judd is finding his rhythm at a rhythm factory. Good for him. This involves looking at a dancing dog costume fella on the internet. What some people do to pass the time, eh?!
• The boys a mini concert inside their industrial revolution basement. It's like a futuristic Johnny Cash gig!(1m30s)
• Skin head guy is helping out foxy band chick with her internet problems. What a nice fella. He is actually quite good looking and temporarily distracts from the all consuming allure of The Judd.
• There is a bit of multi map going on by a blonde lad. Perhaps he is trying to track down the location of this underground prison gig going on. With Taio Cruz! It's where all the kids are hanging out, pending this imminent nuclear apocalypse (I assume)...
• At the 2m mark, Taio is well getting down with his bad self, while the band energetically strum along (steady) beside him. I haven't seen such an enthusiastic response to a guest star since Blue duetted with Stevie Wonder and Antony Costa was all agog...
• Just before 2 and a half minutes, Tom and Dougie are playing in front of some nice tv screens. Black and white though. perhaps the colour is on the blink.
• It's Taio's solo. He takes his glasses off and there is no shining light. But (never start a sentence with conjuncture) the robotic dancer ladies are still bopping away and more and more people are arriving at the underground prison gig.
• There is lots of pogo-ing going on in the final choruses and everyone seems to be having a rollicking good time. This is probably because it's quite a joyous final chorus and the song itself grows and grows to this point and it's all very splendid.