Lopez Blogs

The X Factor is back tomorrow. Or today if you are reading this in the future on Saturday 21st August. Which you possibly are. Time travel hurts my brain. Anyway, i looked back and am disappointed to learn that I did cover the X Factor from the first show last year. Well tough titties, cos I don't have the energy to that this year. I may summise it and then kick in during bootcamp weeks. Yes, as Josh Dubovie so skilfully once sang, that sounds good to me. No doubt by Saturday evening, I will be completely sucked in and want to do a full proper posting. Oh I'm so layered and contradictory! Anyway, in the meantime (and in between time) (obscure pop reference alert!) here are some alumni from the show and their current video output...

Alexandra Burke ~ Start Without You:

There's something about this single. Part of me thinks it's rather good indeed. Part of me think that Example was right in thinking he could write something substantially more brilliant for Alexandra. Part of me thinks that is just some sort of bizarre mash up of a Boney M song and Under The Sea. So I am awash in conflicting emotions! But it is a rather enjoyable summer song that, like Girls Aloud's Long Hot Summer, is being released about six weeks later than it should have been. Here is what is going down in the video...

• A glitter ball is not enough for Alexandra Burke. No. She has to have an actual glitter curtain. My retinas hurt just looking at it!
• A much more pleasing sight comes at 17 seconds when a bevvy of trunk clad hotties all turn to look at "the beast" (as she calls herself). Except the guy in the middle. He is so clearly having a quick shufty at the guy next to him's willy region. And frankly, who can blame him?
• Essentially the first verse of the song is like a more oiled up version of Olivia Newton John's Physical. Alexandra is eyeing up the totty while they do various muscle pumping (oo-er) activities in the worlds most boring gym.
• She is clearly distracting the guy who is working his guns. I mean, how offputting having Alexandra come up and finger your chest mid-workout. Whatever next? Shayne Ward popping in to feel up your glutes?! (um, yes please)...
• Chorus + Dance Routine + men in vests = win. A - because it's a vastly superior dance routine to say, The Saturdays Missing You fiasco. B - I am quite liking the braces and vest look, though my belly is far too paunchy at the moment to pull it off.
• At around the minute mark, Alexandra takes part in the least energetic aerobics class ever. She will never get a workout video deal with that routine :P
• During the second verse, Alexandra takes a leaf out of Bruno's book and uses "the staff" as furniture. Still she can't weigh much so I doubt it's that taxing for him...
• Lets have a proper look at the blokes. Pause at 2m02s. The dark haired fella three in from the left has got amazing pecs. The bloke two across to the right from him is also probably worth a jolly good bounce. I think this is chest fingered guns man from earlier. As his friends call him...
• Oh lordy, the rapper is off. Alexandra is swirling around seductively in her body stocking while he raps about something or the other.
• More posturing from the gym bunnies while Alexandra tells them not to make her start without them. Which actually (I believe) is what some men quite like. It saves on the foreplay. Apparently.
• And that's essentially it. Lather, rinse, repeat for the rest of the song.

Olly Murs ~ Please Don't Let Me Go:

Blimey. The X factor alumni have been having lessons at camp faux reggae this week. Alexandra has been listening to her ace of base tapes, while lovely Olly has been checking out his dad's UB40 bootlegs. It is entirely pleasant though and Olly was utterly charming on Alan Carr the other week. Magnifico...(less magnifico is the fact that you can't embed the video. So here is the link and above is a nice pic of Olly instead. Bah!)

• Ooo, it's the 00s version of we're all going on a summer holiday. I half expected the cast of On The Buses to emerge in the first few seconds!
• Olly turns up on a scooter though which works for so many reasons. Firstly, I can't imagine him on public transport. Secondly, he looks quite boffable. And by quite I mean very. And thirdly, a scooter just suits him doesn't it? He seems quite bohemian...
• He's clearly a bit underdressed for the occasion - would a tie or cravat have killed him? I do like the fact that he steals H-lookalike-from-Steps drink and the sozzled booze hound doesn't even seem to notice. Class.
• The little klepto just can't help himself. At 50s he helps himself to a younger Simon Cowell lookalike's straw hat and does the classic cocky forward tilt with it. Oh my.
• There's some sort of free flowing dance routine during the chorus and it's a little bit disheartening that Olly doesn't do any of his shake the shit from your shoe patented dance routines. He does touch his eye when he says eye though, which is a tiny shuffle towards a step in the right direction I suppose...
• He then leads his chosen ladee friend down some steps and is bold enough to walk backwards. There could be some hilarious "fall on my arse" type outtakes from this video or he could just be very good at walking backwards. Even more amazing is the fact that the waiting staff dance down the steps with him - a bit like they do in the film Mame when everyone sings, uh, Mame...!!
• It's getting a bit warm after all that step walking so Olly takes off his jacket. Um, woof! He pops it down and gets well into the singing. In fact if you pause at 1m42s and don't know he's about to say "feel" with passion and conviction, you would think he was about to say a swear...
• It is remiss of me to have not mentioned the lecherous old perv walking around with some young gold digger and the old biddy guzzling at the sauce while feeding her dog pigs in the blankets. Or something. High society is so sordid.
• Frankly this video is full of celebrity look a likes. H, Simon Cowell and at 1m58s a sodden Dan Gillespie Sells wannabe (The Feeling) emerges from a dip in the pool...
• Ladee friend is leading Olly astray while lots of free love goes on in the background. It's essentially a PG version of the True Blood season 2 finale. My god, lets hope Olly doesn't end up tied to a tree by some weird witch lady!
• There are some nice shots in the middle 8 which match how pretty the music is. Tres bon.
• I have no idea whether he managed to cop off with the ladee friend by the end of the night, but he does look a bit sad at the end of the video so I'm thinking probably not. Ah well, always next time...

Honourable mention: The Unconventionals ~ Strawberry Sunshine:

The Unconventionals were tragically the first to go a couple of years ago on the X Factor. Often I think if the first acts had been given more of a chance, the total outcome could be completely different but oh well... They are back and following on from their cover of Push The Button is a brand new song Strawberry Sunshine. It's a lovely laid back tune with layered harmonies, some lovely sixties-ish horns and a melody that washes over you like a fresh wave lapping onto your toes at the beach. Essentially the video is like Dee-lite and The B52s circa 1990 were popped into a blender, forwarded in time via Austin Powers and tipped out in 2010. The girls are all sorts of hippy chic while the guys range from looking like they are auditioning for Oliver to being background extras for the Olly Murs video above. I don't say this as criticism because it all works visually very well with the song. They all shimmy and shake beautifully (particualarly Andy - RAR + YUM!). And there are some glorious dramatic strings throughout but especially as they all pose together at the end doing their best moody-sexy poses :) definitely worth several moments of your time :)

Coming sunday - Probably something on Mcfly...