Lopez Blogs

It's my mom and dad's anniversary today! 48 years of wedded bliss. Or at least 48 years of being married. Unfortunately poor mom had her handbag stolen from the car. This is the discussion I had when I found out... I shouldn't make light really, because it was awful but my god don't families make you mad sometimes?! :P

me: "Happy Anniversary mom!"
mom: "Is this the police?"
me: "Why would the police be calling you to wish you happy anniversary?"
mom: "..."
me: "Why are the police calling at all?"
mom: "i've been robbed. Someone stole my handbag out of my car when i was at the traffic lights"
(lots of discussion about if cards are cancelled etc)
me: "did you get much of a description?"
mom (deadly serious): "oh yes, he was wearing a blue jacket like the one you had when you were a little boy. I told them to call you to ask about it."
me: "I don't remember that in particular"
mom: "it was blue"
me: "ok, did you see anything else?"
mom: "he had black hands"
me: "do you mean they were dirty or that he was - for example, african caribbean?
mom: "oh i couldn't tell where he was from and I didn't have time to ask, his hands were a black man's hands though. Do you think they will find him?"
me: "!!"
mom: "well?"
me: "i'm sure the police will do their best"
mom: "i told the police about the blue jacket and his hands"
me: "oh. well i'm sure they will do their best"
mom: "I didn't see his face, but his hands didn't seem like he would be handsome."
me: "oh my christ"
mom: "I only bought that handbag in 2003"
me: "Oh. Do you want me to get you a new one?"
mom: "boys don't buy handbags do they?"
me: "I'm a gay, you're likely to get a stunning handbag"
mom: "Margaret from church has said i can have an old one of hers"
me: "is that what you want?"
mom: "It's very nice of her isn't it and I don't like to make a fuss..."
me: "well let me know."
mom: "i had just taken £70 out of the bank "
me: "oh dear. Aare you alright for money"
(protracted conversation about cash that essentially means I'm £70 lighter now)
me: "I'll pop round tonight"
mom: "no don't make a fuss. I just want an early night now. Honestly, I'm alright. Was a shock."
me: "are you sure"
mom: Yes. I can't believe Margaret wants to give me a scrappy old bag"
me: "oh i know, the nerve"
mom: "ok the milkman's at the door. it might be the police."
me: "um"
mom: "this is all your dads fault anyway. I told him to come with me"
me: "bye mom"
click.

10 minutes later - text from one of my siblings "mom says you can't even be bothered to go round tonight!"

Oh. My. Days/ :)