Lopez Blogs

THE REAL X FACTOR - SIMON CURTIS:

Although you may feel the x-factor write ups are long enough, I like to think of them as your early morning Sunday newspaper, so look upon this little diversion as your magazine supplement. Simon Curtis has long been the brightest future pop star in the firmament and this year he has built up a huge online following due to the release of his single Delusional (read all about it here). When his twitter followers got to 6,800 he promised another free single release and that time has come! Unfortunately, it's not quite ready yet, but that really doesn't matter because he has teased us all with not one, not two, but three tracks from his forthcoming 8 Bit Heart album in the video above. Here's the skinny...

1. Super Psycho Love ~ it has an almost eastern themed beginning, some tribal sounding beats and some nicely dirty lyrics likes "texts from you and sex from you are things that are not so uncommon". The chorus is beyond epic - one of his strongest to date. It's almost like the most amazing boyband chorus you ever heard with Simon's vocal confidently soaring into falsetto with the catchy hook that will stick in your head for days. Then there is this tremendous beat breakdown and Simon cuts the music off :( Onto clip 2!
2. Beat Drop ~ it's an almost spooky beginning to this song with a very deep "let the beat drop" kicking off a super charged frenetic pace that refuses to let up. It's a storming dance floor filler that sounds immense - loving the deep vocal in the chorus, and a little bit of swears built in. I'm not a big swearer myself, but i do love letting out a good "mother-f***ing" when i'm singing along to a song :) Win, win, win. Loving the operatic vocal sample too. PS, the hutchersons have a lovely home and an amazing tree.
3. Brainwash ~ What I love about Simon (and it happens on key tracks on the amazing Alter Boy album) is how he works these incredible samples into his music that not only completely enhance the lyrics but match the song perfectly. Brainwash starts off with what sounds like a politician or religious minister addressing the public before these high pitched synth notes kick in to draw you into the song. I've said it before and i'll say it again - this is shaping up to be an incredible album and one that will be talked about throughout 2010. Simon's just raised his already impossibly high standards. I can't wait to see what comes next!

IT'S TIME. TO FACE. THE MUSIC.

Jedward are gone and apparently the competition is more serious than ever. That's because there will be no huge fun performances. It's obviously all about acey Stacey because she is amazing and I cannot physically bear it if Cheryl wins 2 years in a row. Already I'm convulsing. Still Take That/Elton John week beckons. Cheryl is dressed like Stripper Sindy so I guess it's time for my X Factor weekend to start right here (must Dermot spin round, right round, like a record baby each week when he says that?)

DANYL
Winning this competition means everything to Danyl, which is a massive kick in the gym knickers to the kids he teaches. Danyl goes up tempo this week which is about time becuase he's done ballads nearly every other bloody week. It's Relight My Fire. He's turned the beginning into a cocky look at me moment. His dancing is really embarrasing. It involves this odd walk thing and then energetically sliding from side to side. Honestly, I think Helen Keller would look more natural doing it. The "funky rock" arrangement doesn't really work for the song either. He quite rightly does a patronising little clap to the dancers at the end, because at least they distracted from his performance, though they weren't much cop either. Oh god, I'm in one of those moods about the show already!
LLOYD
My eyes automatically roll whenever Lloyd is announced. Lloyd says he was shocked to be through last week. Not as shocked as the rest of the nation darlin. It's A Million Love Songs (which both Shayne and Leona have done better in one note than the first line that comes out of Lloyd's mouth). It's all down to Lloyd clutching his stomach like he has appendicitis and wearing a boxy looking shirt. None of this is good, including Lloyd's vocal. Lloyd's eyes have died a little, which is a bit sad considering he's about 11.
OLLY
Apart from the trousers, i'm not really sure I'm won over by Olly yet. And "according to the papers" he's in a right strop that he doesn't have a well known take that song. Well yes, the number 3 hit Love Ain't Here Anymore is so unheard of. He sings it well enough to some bird in the audience who looks totally bemused. Why couldn't he have done Never Forget or Shine (um because they will probably be the group singalong tomorrow)? Oh well, it's perfectly pleasant but not amazing. He's a bit overstimulated when he talks to Dermot and licks his lips a lot, not unlike a fluffer on the set of some low budget porn movie.
JOE
I got a text tonight saying "Joe is a gummy homo who should be understudy to Boq in Wicked" which is probably a little harsh but fair (people can be so cruel!). He's the favourite to win, which just curdles my blood because as much as I've enjoyed some of his performances, it's been in a musical theatre school Eisteddford sort of way. He sings Could It Be Magic like he's in Never Forget The Musical with an impressive backdrop of "dancer painting". It's nice, but he looks really stilted. Remember how cheeky Robbie made "come, come, come into my arms" sound? It was a little fun and dirty. Joe makes it sound like he is serenading his Grandma.
STACEY
Stacey seems a bit subdued this week after last week's electric performance. This week she's doing Rule The World (which Dannii gave Rachel Hylton last year and ended up in a spat with Louis who wanted it for JLS). She handles the low notes really well at the start, looks divine and then it's amazing, but not quite as amazing as it should be. That's not to say it's not a lovely restrained performance with some great notes, because it is but something magical is missing from it. She does handle the really difficult notes incredibly well though and she is by far the clear winner in the competition. Simon randomly says "talking of take that i'd like to congratulate Robbie on his engagement" which just shows how relevant Simon continues to be - Robbie hasn't been in Take That for 14 years. Div.

(PS, before we move onto Elton John, read my review of Take That's The Greatest Day here!)

LLOYD
Oh god, Cheryl has chosen a hard song for Lloyd to sing and she thinks it will prove that he deserves his place in the competition. There are SO SO many things wrong with that sentence and even Cheryl looks like she doesn't believe it and can barely keep a straight face while saying it. It's I'm Still Standing and there is more appendicitis, a far too old for him outfit, a weird dance number and a dreadful vocal. More awfulocity. Poor Lloyd - put him as singer number 4 in a Vice like boyband and he'll be fine. The audience boos Louis for being honest and Cheryl comes back with "you haven't got anyone still standing in the competition Louis". Louis retorts "in the charts, Cheryl" whatever that means. Frankly people will remember Jedward a lot longer than they remember Lloyd. There will probably be a Jedward week next year.
DANYL
Yvie stops Danyl from singing in the VT which is rather brilliant and I have this sudden image that Danyl's best performance will come when he's bound, gagged and locked in a cupboard. He does Your Song in the style of Moulin Rouge and I miss a bit of the performance because I run to the dvd cabinet to dig out the movie to remind me to watch it later. I've apparently missed some Danyl hippo mouth and come back to see kids walking onto the stage. Oh Danyl (imagine me shaking my head in disappointment at this point). This is not Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and you are not the child catcher. Such emotional manipulation - he might as well have had a baby in papoose on his chest and breast fed it. Louis says he made the song his own which obviously he didn't. He quite literally robbed it from Ewan McGregor the naughty botty burgler.
OLLY
Simon says this is the only butch Elton John song which is a) a little bit rude, b) untrue - that would be The Bitch Is Back and c) makes me feel a bit better about my snarkiness this week. It's Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting which isn't butch at all but much more suited to Olly's style (despite being impeded by the weird hanging from the ceiling boxing ring mic). The tight trousers and willy outline are back though. Much better performance than earlier. Olly does need to keep his tongue in his mouth though - something I wouldn't be saying if I met him and was seduced by the tight trousers...
JOE
Joe has already sung 2 Elton John songs in the competition's live shows, including one during George Michael week so this is nothing new for him. And he's singing his audition song so this is definitely playing it safe. Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word - and as I think I wrote before, it doesn't work for me anymore unless you have a shuffling r'n'b beat and Simon Webbe going "yo yo" halfway through. Sinfully boring version though technically good. Which just sums Joe up perfectly.
STACEY
She gets to go last! Finally! I was convinced it would be Olly. Stacey is singing my favourite Elton John song ever so I am expecting big things. Something About The Way You Look Tonight is just stunning. Stacey better do it justice. Ooo, she's on the piano, which is absolutely a pet hate of mine, but seeing as it's acey Stacey i will forgive her. The chorus is stunning, really beautiful. I might have had a tear in my eye, though that could have been the really hard quality street toffee I just took out the fridge. I'm sure it cracked a molar. Anyway, boo those whore judges for not liking it. It was glorious. Piffle to them I say. And frankly I'm not sure I will have the energy to carry on with this if Stacey is voted out over Lloyd.

Finally, please someone tell me that Don't Stop Believing is NOT the winners song?! See you in the comments later for Rihanna (yawn), Alicia (yawn) and the results!!