Lopez Blogs

Ah, what a lovely weekend this has been. It has seen the civil partnership of one of my very best friends Ruth to the very lovely indeed Lou. Darren and I had the honour of being the best men, and despite the stress and trauma over the speech, that was all forgotten on the actual day. The ceremony was heavenly (though no religion allowed of course), the setting delightful, the speeches went down a treat, and the whole day was just magnificent (particularly the discovery of a Port based drink called Cheeky Vimto. Amazeballs). So enjoy some photos of people you don't really know, enjoy the speech below and enjoy love (how cheesy) because i think if you look for it, love, actually, is all around :P

BEST MEN'S SPEECH:

Paul: Hello ladies and gentlemen and variations there of. I hope you can all hear me at the back? If you can't, the silence from the people at the front should reassure you that you're not really missing out on much!! Now if I could just start with some audience participation... if you can all shuffle forward a little bit in your seats. That's it, don't be shy. Now if everyone on the left side of the room could give me a big "ooo" - that's it! And everyone on the right, if you could give me an "aah"! Brilliant. There you go, Ruth & Lou, I told you I'd have everyone oohing and aahing on the edge of their seats :)

Sadly that's about as funny as the speech gets today so if you could all just laugh when I raise my right hand in the air we will get through this a lot quicker. No doubt most of you know that we are Paul and Darren, the best men of Ruth and Lou. However, my full name is Paul-would-you-like-a-drink. I do hope you will use it when you are standing next to me at the bar later on!!


We are thrilled and honoured to be the best men of Ruth and Lou. According to tradition, the first of my tasks is to thank certain people for their contribution today. Frankly, I think they have had it easy - standing around, pouting, preening their hair and looking pretty, but without them today would not have been the same. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you... the fathers of the brides, Keith and John (rapturous applause, etc)...

I've been asked to keep this speech clean and free of any of my usual smutty sexual innuendo, so if there's anything the slightest bit risque - well you know me, i'll whip it straight out!! So with that said, I better hand over to Darren!!

Darren: Hello everyone. I have to confess I'm a bit nervous about this speech. I do feel comforted by the fact that I actually rehearsed this in front of a live audience yesterday. Yes, I nipped into the local old people's home and they absolutely loved it. Well - they pissed themselves anyway...

I've researched the responsibilities of being the best man to a lesbian couple. I trawled the internet for hours and found some great stuff. Then I remembered that I was meant to be looking up best man speeches, not tittering at bad Britain's Got Talent auditions...

Typing in "lesbian speeches" into google is a bit of an eye opener, I'll tell you that for nothing! I eventually ended up in a chatroom where a lovely lass called Brenda (with a five o clock shadow) told me I was the most feminine girl she had chatted to in ages! SCORE!! Anyway, she told me to present you with something called a furry cup!! I have no idea what this is - Ruth, Lou would you perhaps like to explain to people how on earth you drink from a furry cup?!?!

It turns out my main job here is to sing Lou's praises and tell you what a great girl she is. As I can't sing and I shouldn't lie, this will be a very short speech! I also discovered that the speech should be shorter than it takes the bride to down a four pack of lager, so already I'm way way over!!


Rather brilliantly, I first met Lou at my own civil partnership to Paul. It was a ridiculously hot day and Lou and I bonded over a couple of guests at the reception we became very fond of - Stella and Becks! They were great - tall, blonde, cool and Lou tells me they went down a treat! Trouble was, we could never agree whose round was next...

We further cemented our friendship over what I was told would be a luxury spa break in North Wales. Turned out to be a weekend playing Balderdash in a plumbed in caravan in prestatyn sands :/ I was struck by Lou's sensible nature and practical approach to life. The four of us were walking along a nice river, when rather inconsiderately the path stopped and turned into a rocky free for all. Before I even had chance to turn around to ask if we were carrying on, Lou was already halfway back down the path with a cheery yell of "bugger that! I'm off to the pub for an ice cream and a pint!!" - which was where we found her half an hour later when we all finally realised that this had been the best idea all along...

I did ask Lou's mom and dad if they had any cute photos of her from her past that I could show today. They did have this really cute one of her lying on a sheepskin rug, gurgling, eating a chocolate biscuit and dribbling. I was going to blow it up to show you all today, but it was a bit too much - they did after all only take it last wednesday!!

I did want to say that Lou is always a delight to be around - she's funny, giving, caring and yes, can drink me under the table. And Lou, you look stunning. I'm so glad I talked you out of the dungarees and doc martyns idea :P It's been lovely being your best man today - so thank you, and I'll hand you back to Paul...

PAUL: Well, I didn't think I was nervous about this, but let's just say this isn't the first time I've got up from a warm seat today with some paper in my hand...

I've actually known Ruth for 15 years and have amassed loads of inappropriate stories to tell about her. However, Ruth literally begged me not to tell them here today - so I shall be telling them over there, by the bar, later!

I'd like to share 2 rather heartwarming, charming anecdotes about Ruth. The first is reflecting back on my own civil partnership when Ruth had the honoured job of holding the rings. In true "comedy wedding" style, i had left the rings at home and sent poor Ruth running back through Birmingham City Centre to find them. She had to tear the apartment apart before they turned up and I assured her by phone that there would be a taxi at the rank down the road which could bring her the 15 minute walk to the registrars. There wasn't and poor Ruth demonstrated what an amazing friend she is by picking up her hoop (ooer) and running all through Birmingham to get them to the church on time. Amazing.

She further demonstrated her true caring nature - that which I like to believe she demonstrates on patients as a nurse - at one of our annual pilgrammages to the V Festival. I had come down with a bit of a dicky tummy and Ruth did a sterling job looking after me. And by looking after me, what I actually mean is that she came back to the tent, through some Alka Seltzer at me, yelled "here you go, you owe me a fiver. I'm off to watch the indigo girls!!" Thanks ruth, thanks a lot :)

Ruth has actually become my anyway friend. An anyway friend is a person in your life who no matter what you say, and no matter what you do - no matter what they go through in their life will love you anyway. So my sincerest wish is that for Ruth - Lou, and for Lou - Ruth, you will become each other's anyway friends. It doesn't matter how old you are or what your responsibilities are, if you have true unconditional love you will not only make it but enjoy it. So to my anyway friend and her anyway friend, I wish you a life of happiness and joy.

Ladies, gentlemen, variations thereof - the blushing brides, Ruth and Lou...

Soon: Gravitonas! Kimberley Locke! Michaela Wright!