Lopez Blogs

I have fallen and fallen hard for ace BBC sitcom Miranda. I don't know why it has taken me so long to find out about it (shame on me), but i've whizzed through two series and am now investigating the radio version that started it all. Basically for those not in the know, it's essentially a better, UK version of Ellen (the comedy, not the chat show or that The Ellen Show debacle that aired several years ago) set in the kitchen set of Absolutely Fabulous and involving many madcap antics of the 6ft1 Miranda and her zany bunch of mad cap friends (which includes the perfectly delicious Tom Ellis as Gary, the love interest). Basically the mad cap friends are very much like my ace gang with their own sayings (they have "tremendulent", we have "brillopants" and "smasherooney ding dong"); Miranda has an insane mother (see examples below for my dear old mam) and has many many moments of social mortification. Not in that slyly observed socially awkward way, more of a make a total pillock of yourself sort of way. I've always identified with Pam from Gavin & Stacey as my sitcom double (she has a ridiculous flair for the dramatic, as do I) but Miranda definitely mirrors my ability to take a normal social situation and come out of it with egg on my face. Sometimes absolutely literally. SUCH FUN!

• Miranda's crazy mom may be my crazy mom ~ case in point: My mom called the other day "Paul, the gays are growing!" (insert stunned bemused silence from me here) "Yes, I read a report about it. They are everywhere." me ~ "Oh that's lovely mom. What do you mean growing?" Her (completely ignoring my question which both her and my dad tend to do, as if diverting from their conversational flow will completely ruin their life) ~ "My hairdresser is one you know. Do you know him?" Me (a bit aghast) ~ "Oh yes, we all hunt in packs. Perfectly manicured, well groomed packs..." Christ alive.
• Moments of social ineptitude ~ I was once waiting to see History Boys outside a theatre near my house. It was incredibly windy and I was waiting for my bon ami ace ganger Kirsty to arrive. Just as she came dashing up, a huge gust of wind blew a huge bin bag (garbage sack, mes americanos) into my face, which preceded to wrap around my head. Cue me flailing around like a loon on loon tablets at a loon convention. Not good...
• Moments of social ineptitude ~ just last week on the train, i somehow managed to sit on a half eaten cadbury's creme egg. Not mine either. What was worse was I didn't notice the melted brown egg bottom and gooey centre stuck to my bottomosity until I got home, having walked through Birmingham city centre at rush hour looking like i'd messed myself. For God's sake!!!
• More moments of social ineptitude ~ Miranda often gets called Sir. As do I actually. But I often get called other stuff too. I was hurridly trotting to the train station one morning (Miranda gallops, but i find a trot more elegant or a canter if i'm really in a hurry), when some white van fellas (one quite dishy) shouted out alpha male styl-ee "oi Bruno" and guffawed loudly to themselves. I was so taken aback at their comment, that I lost my rhythm, tripped on the kerb and went flying onto the pavement. My book I was reading at the time (with a fetching pink cover) went skidding out of my man bag and sailing across the street. Bruno indeed :(
• Getting the cosmic horn ~ Miranda clearly has the horn for Tom Ellis' character Gary. I do too. He is the only person apart from possibly Donal Skehan who makes chef whites look quite foxy. I too would fall off a stool if he came up to me with a batch of creamy meringues. The horn makes you do bizarre things. Early on in my courtship of Darren, I was asked "Is darren coming over tonight?" Lost in my dreamworld of dreamy dream boat ness, I absently mindedly replied "I'd rather him cum on my face"... FORGETTING IT WAS MY DAD I WAS WITH. Swallow me now (darren) hole in ground!!
• Knowing looks to the camera ~ while I didn't invent this, neither did Miranda. See video below!!

It's been quite a lovely week away in the tranquil remote rural prettiness of (uh) Uckfield. Sure, the internet connection has been quite ghastly so I haven't quite managed to do some of the almost pre-prepared blogs I had planned on (Gravitonas and Darin, your time is coming!). And sure, the tranquil calm of a Pimms & lemonade on the verandah overlooking a gorgeous woodland meadow has been interrupted by a fox pouncing on the pheasants (not cocks as I erroneously identified the pretty little flockers on twitter) and creating hideous carnage. And yeah, watching The Blair Witch Project literally in the middle of nowhere with the trees outside creating weird shadows inside probably wasn't the greatest idea in the world. But all in all, it's been quite a heavenly week. My mind often goes to weird places when I'm in the wilderness and I sort of decided that a brilliant Comic Relief single for 2011 would be the reformation of Bananarama with Lanananeenanoonoo on the song embedded above. How festive and fabulous would that be? Can someone please PLEASE make this happen?! For now though, because I am totally out of the pop music loop, why not check out my fave songs of the week (yes, I'm devastated at the rumours that a #2 smash on my chart for Same Difference isn't parlaying into the same success in the top 40 UK charts :/ Though yay for the news at Scandipop) and you can tell me what i've missed (or just read this post at PosterGirl)....



Top 21 Songs of the week

21 ~ Brandon Flowers, Crossfire
20 ~ Kylie, All The Lovers
19 ~ Same Difference, Shine On Forever
18 ~ Gabriella Cilmi, Love Me Cos You Want To
17 ~ Bright Light x2, Love Part II
16 ~ Alesha Dixon, Drummer Boy
15 ~ Maroon 5, Misery
14 ~ Mcfly, Party Girl
13 ~ Amy Meredith, Lying
12 ~ Ace of Base, All For You
11 ~ Elouise, Winner Takes It All (NE)
10 ~ Kelly Rowland, Shake Them Haters Off
09 ~ Sophie Ellis Bextor, Not Giving Up On Love
08 ~ Eric Saade, Masquerade
07 ~ Scissor Sisters, Any Which Way
06 ~ Maroon 5, Give A Little More
05 ~ Kylie, Get Outta My Way (VID ABOVE)
04 ~ DeeDee, Balls
03 ~ Darin, Lovekiller
02 ~ Robbie Williams, Shame
01 ~ Gravitonas, Religious (2 weeks)

Another topsy turvey week has come to a close. It ended with a nice if somewhat subdued night with the Ace Gang. I got all excited because my rain dance that I had done in the shower earlier that evening (once again everyone - not a fan of the heat; I spent a fortune on Boots Hot Weather Cooling Mist spray this week) seemed to pay off as drops of precipitation landed upon me. However, it seemed that I had been a bit of an eager beaver (titter - I said beaver) as it only lasted a few seconds. So I drowned my sorrows with Pimms. Let me tell you - Pimms + Heat = Lightweight Paul. I was so tipsy I was trying to persuade everyone to re-enact the All The Lovers video. For shame. That (and this excellent post over at The Blog That Mark Wrote; brilliant read and now on twitter!) got me thinking about other things in life that make you go hmmm as you reminisce through the years... So today's sermon is taken from the Book of Revelations. Judge not, lest ye be judged :P Oh and the video above is a "just because" moment... (but do read Scandipop's interview with lovely Eric here!)

THE BOOK OF REVELATIONS

1. Never try to pee on someone: It may come as no big surprise that I was an enormous doofus at school. However, I had my own Ace Gang even back then and sixth form was some of the funniest times of my life. For some unknown reason one hot summers day, I was in the boy's first floor bathroom and noticed that the little window was directly above where some mean boys were sitting. I clearly lost all reasoning because I thought the perfect revenge would be to piddle out the window on their heads. I climbed onto the top of the cistern, placed my you know what out the window and got ready to revenge-pee all over them. Only there was this sickening crack. And the cistern broke. As it did, I fell back so hard that I knocked the locked door off it's hinges and lay unconscious covered by toilet water. Oh and you pee when you are unconscious too. Trying explaining that to the school nurse :/
2. Only bears should shit in the wood: Whilst on a ski trip with school in France, I got my first taste of getting tipsy. On half a can of cider. We had left the confines of the hotel and had a right merry old romp in the local village. Only all the teachers were drunk in the hotel bar, so we couldn't exactly sneak back in and I was desperate for the toilet. Tragically a number two. My "friends" convinced me to do it over a drain at the back of the hotel and despite it being freezing out, i was drunk enough to think this was a good idea. It was not. It was very icy and I lost my balance and slid all the way down the hill at the back of the hotel, grazing my ass to buggery and leaving an unpleasant trail behind :/ :/ :/ I was shamed, pained and bleeding and all my friends could do was laugh like hyenas :/
3. Never be ashamed of your choices: I happen to still think that, despite powerhouse vocals (Leona Lewis), boyband magnificence (JLS - until Club is Alive) and quite good pop (Alexandra Burke), Same Difference are my most favourite act to come from The X Factor with Shayne "will my 3rd album EVER be released" Ward a very close second. There is something unshamedly brilliant about Same Difference's complete love of pop. Just check them out singing their little hearts out above and try not to sing along and do the "photo frame" dance move. Nigh on impossible...
4. I thought reindeers were mythical for 33 years: I actually thought reindeer weren’t real, you know because of the whole santa not real (gasp!) thing and them being linked to him. I only found out last year. I shit you not. I still like to think that Hippogriffs ARE real though so make of that twisted logic what you will!
5. 1999-2002 was pop gold for me: S Club! A*Teens! Hear'say! Kylie's Light Years! Deborah Gibson's MYOB! However the pinnacle was my beloved Steps :) I have been to see Steps 7 times. Even at my youngest I was 25!! And i accidentally punched a girl so hard in the face during tragedy that her devil horns fell off.
6. At least it wasn't Slytherin: Everytime I do one of those "which house at Hogwarts would you be in?" tests on facebook or the like, I end up in Hufflepuff. Every single time. Even if I try and distort the answers!! So it is my fate to be a life long Hufflepuff. And you know what? I think that is more than ok. I am total hufflepuff.
7. My tv choices are often dubious: Although I do watch quality tv from time to time (Twin Peaks, Lost, Buffy, Gilmore Girls, Veronica Mars, Doctor Who, Weeds, True Blood, et al), my dvd cabinet is littered with badly written trash that I can't help but love. And when I can't buy it, I will track it down another way. Ergo, I have a 1TB external hard drive that contains every episode (in wildly varying quality) of Dynasty, Prisoner Cell Block H and the greatest soap of all time Sunset Beach. The finales of all of them are quite quite bonkers in their own unique ways :)
8. I only read children's books: This is not completely true, but 90% of my reading comes from this genre. And I don't think that is anything to get sniffy about. Some of the greatest books of all time are written for children. My current read, Withering Tights, is bound to be a literary classic.

There are probably a lot more revelations I could share, but I'll save those for part 2 as I think that's enough public humiliation for today!! Feel free to share some of your revelations in the comments :)

Top 21 songs of the week

21 ~ JLS, The Club is Alive
20 ~ Kelly Rowland, Commander
19 ~ Gabriella Cilmi, Hearts Don't Lie
18 ~ Bjorn Johan Muri, Circles
17 ~ Ola, All Over The World
16 ~ Kylie, Get Outta My Way (NE)
15 ~ Scissor Sisters, Any Which Way (NE)
14 ~ Scissor Sisters, Fire With Fire
13 ~ Chanee & N'Evergreen, In A Moment Like This
12 ~ BrightLightX2, A New Word To Say
11 ~ Le Kid, Mercy Mercy
10 ~ The Bang Bang Club, Chemistry
09 ~ Dirty Disco, White Room
08 ~ Eric Saade, It's Gonna Rain
07 ~ Simon Curtis, Beat Drop
06 ~ Magic Numbers, Pulse
05 ~ Kylie, All The Lovers
04 ~ Brandon Flowers, Crossfire
03 ~ Darin, Can't Stop Love (PIC Above)
02 ~ Same Difference, Shine On Forever
01 ~ Maroon 5, Misery (2 weeks)

Blimey, didn't Sunday go quickly?! I was going to do a whole indepth overview of lots of the lovely new videos floating around this week (Kylie, JLS, Kelly R, Scissor Sisters et al) and I honestly just didn't get around to it what with catching up with everything from hols and putting a whole host of junk on ebay... so it may well still come this week along with a thorough "latest in smart boy-pop" feature I have planned. For now, you can just marvel at the gorgeous video above (ahem) that i did of our lovely log cabin in the country (and prizes for spotting the two songs i'm idly singing at one point) along with some photos (here, here, here & here) and look at my very boring chart below (no new entries, and same number one - as many as 8 new entries next week though based on today's listening treats)... ugh, work tomorrow. Pity party please...

Top 21 songs of the week:

21 ~ Simon Curtis, Super Psycho Love
20 ~ Mika, Kick Ass
19 ~ Kimberley Locke, Strobelight
18 ~ DeeDee, Endure
17 ~ Sophie Ellis-Bextor, Bittersweet
16 ~ Gabriella Cilmi, On A Mission
15 ~ Poor Josh Dubovie, That Sounds Good To Me
14 ~ Maria Mena, All This Time
13 ~ Eric Saade, Manboy
12 ~ Gabriella Cilmi, Hearts Don't Lie
11 ~ Donkeyboy, Sometimes
10 ~ Kelly Rowland, Commander
09 ~ JLS, The Club Is Alive
08 ~ Adam Tyler, Friction
07 ~ Sergey Lazarev, Alarm
06 ~ Lovestoned, Thursdays
05 ~ Gravitonas, Kites
04 ~ Chanee & N'evergreen, In A Moment Like This
03 ~ Scissor Sisters, Fire With Fire
02 ~ Eric Saade, It's Gonna Rain
01 ~ Kylie, All The Lovers (4 weeks)

December 30th 2009:

It's very early on New Year's Eve as I write this and for some reason my normally brilliant powers of recall are eluding me as I try to think of what happened yesterday. Oh yes... we drove down to Primm Outlet Mall on the edge of Nevada. I was hoping for some shopping nirvana on the edge of Nevada, but once again it was not to be. I even (gulp) ventured into Old Navy Outlet but was so bedazzled by the use of primary colours (the likes of such not seen since Steps Love's Got A Hold... video!) that I was forced to run out again with my retinas screaming...

So it was a forty mile drive back through the desert to the Strip, looming in front of us like the garish neon concrete jungle it is. God, I love it though! We parked up at Luxor and I got my daily Starbucks from the slowest barista in the world. She got everybody in front of me order wrong so there was a lot of huffing going on. Mine was perfect and delicious though, so I guess she learnt and grew. Hurrah and marv.

Went to see Bodies: The Exhibition, not the Robbie Williams video. It was rather fascinating. If you like corpses dipped in polymer and donated to medical science. Which i didn't think I would, but now feel all edumacated and knowledgeable. Though honestly, I can't remember it all - I know that Rusty takes Polymer Science in Greek the tv show and I can name every single Kylie single released in the UK in chronological order, but the important facts about my body? Water through a sieve!

Then went to see Sherlock Holems - mainly because I felt it was time to forgive Guy Richie for Swept Away. it may have been a hasty decision. A dismal first hour nearly bored me out of my skull, though the second hour was an improvement and bought everything together nicely. And Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law were quite charming. Perhaps it's one of those films that once you know the ending, the second viewing is more rewarding. Honestly though, it just made me want to watch Veronica Mars (for the detective bits) and Ally McBeal season 4 (when RDJ was in it and it was quite good, before she had to date Jon Bon blooming Jovi in year 5. Though that year had James MaRARsden in it so it's swings and roundabouts!) Right, time to get on with NYE!

New Year's Eve!


No more champagne, and the fireworks are through... NYE was exhausting. It started off well enough. Yes, more shopping. It sounds like that is all we have done this week. it is not. There was some spooning in there too. Just so many shops around, i have to have a quick butchers whenever I pass. The Forum Shops at Ceasar's Palace were perhaps the most successful trip of the week so far. Darren got an aces (and v v heavy) winter coat from Abercrombie and Fitch (complete with the traditional and beloved - by me - half naked man on the bag) and we both spent ages in Express for men getting undies, trousers, shirts and t-shirts to a rather magnificent soundtrack of (surprisingly & super pleasingly) Girls Aloud (love is the key), Shayne Ward (Damaged) and Tommy Page (Dance To The Beat of my Heart)! In store music is so much better than the 6 dreadful radio stations here that insist on playing I Gotta Feeling and that Justin Beiber over and over. Ghastly.

We went back to the suite for an afternoon nap (all our mornings for some reason this week have been ridick early starts - 5am! We just can't stop waking up early for some reason) only housekeeping hadn't been, so I put the Do Not Disturb on the door and continued reading the latest Alex Rider novel (Crocodile Tears). I was of course wide awake at the time I could finally get some decent sleep! And Do Not Disturb meant nothing to housekeeping. I was just just dropping off when they rang to see whether we wanted to be disturbed for housekeeping! Incredible. I was not best pleased and i think they sensed that from my "no thank you not today"! It was cutting :P

I want to do a whole separate feature for the blog on the shows we went to see, but lets just say that Darren seeing his idol Bette Midler for a second time was rather joyous for him. And she was on fine form too, with it being filmed for a dvd. Plus! Festive tracks from Cool Yule were thrown in (inexplicably $35 from the Bette gift shop!) and a nice pop-ballad version of Auld Lang Syne left us right in the mood for some celebrations! The strip at midnight was massively crowded and you couldn't even move for love nor money, but it was totally worth it when the perfectly timed fireworks launched off the roof of 7 hotels. Quite an amazing atmosphere too and words can't really do justice to what a lovely new year's eve it was!! We were most amused by the people touting for some Jesus business though! How Stephen Baldwin of them :)


The last few days...

Already 2010 is flying by. How typical that i quickly scribbled a daily dairy for every day of this trip and the new year rolls in and I can barely remember what has happened since! Some of it was doing laundry in the hotel laundromat (ooo rock and/or roll!) Some of it was listening several times to Happy New Year by Abba (an annual tradition and one that is even more poignant at the end of each decade). Some of it was watching the news report informing us of what a crappy decade it has been - and it has. Horrible, terrible, world changing catastrophic events happened. But of course good things happened too - for all but 4 months of the decade I was with Darren and it's nice to start off the next ten years with a bit of early morning spoon.

You can imagine my delight at discovering Starbucks do ice cream in the stores stateside. this was only balanced out by my disappointment that I only discovered this with 3 days to go :/ I'm not ashamed to say that there was a significant amount of drool going on. I plumped (literally if I eat the whole thing) for the oxymoron like hot chocolate ice-cream. Unfortunately the freezer part of our fridge in the room is crap, so it was a bit like eating runny plop. Meh, it all goes down the same way. Deliciousnessnessness!

Miraculously, i lost 25lbs in 2009! As you read the next sentence you will understand why that is so very amazing. In 2 days not only have I had a half tub of Starbucks Hot Chocolate ice cream, but I also purchased a slice of cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. Already, I feel those hard lost lbs creeping back on. Good thing we have walked everywhere this holiday. deliciousnessnessnessness.

On a relaxing last day, we caught one final movie. Because every so often, a wacky take people out of their comfort zone because they have witnessed a crime type movie pops up. First there was Sister Act (now a musical, musical fans with 4 very good songs and the rest ranging from a bit above average to quite good). Then there was Connie and Carla - which Darren and I also saw some years back in the Vegas (and which once when i was off work ill, I made a whole stage musical out of with some new original songs interspersed among the existing numbers. It was quite brilliant, i modestly tell you now! I was hocked up on theraflu at the time though so who knows)! And now there is Did You Hear About The Morgans. With Hugh Grant (being Hugh Grant) and Sarah Jessica Parker Broderick being generally unlikeable again (just like in The Family Stone and when she cheated on Aiden in Sex & The City). It was only ok. Mildly amusing at best. The previews for Alice in Wonderland looked proper immense.

Home tomorrow (which I am now at, so ergo this is the end. feel free to express your appreciation at this mammoth endeavour and peek into my mundane life)! Back to music soon!

December 28th 2009:

An altogether unfulfilling day of shopping. Let's review the evidence:

• The new shopping centre at Aria/Citywalk was mainly snooty shops that I can't abide, mainly because the sales assistants tend to look at me like I'm that whore from Pretty Woman just because I'm wearing jeans from the Gap...
• The miracle mile shops at Planet Hollywood fared somewhat better. FCUK had a decent sale on and Benetton had a brilliantly quirky bow-tie ensemble rocking the mannequin in the window. I think I'm getting old though because H&M looked bright and garish and seemed to be full of 12 year olds...
• The outlet mall was dreadful - usually there are some great bargains to be had but not today.
• I soothed my frazzled shopping nerves with a trip to Barnes and Noble (Wicked: The Musical Pop Up Book for $13? Amazing) which just makes me mourn the loss of Borders in the UK even more. I noticed the other day that the cute little "old fashioned" replica bookstore in Mandalay Bay was now a froghurt place. Sigh. I find this all as sad as people find record store closures.

Because we, once again, had been up since 4am, we decided to stay awake by playing some more video poker where I was on an immense roll but blew it by getting overstimulated and greedy. Then when I stood up my bottom felt cold. The chair I had been on was wet. It hadn't soaked through (due, I assume, to the quality of my jeans - in your face snooty whore judging shop assistants!!) so I hadn't noticed. And it smelt of widdle! Conclusion? Some old lady had got over excited at her $5 win and pissed herself. And I had sat in it! Old lady piss! GAH!!

After an invigorating hot scorch the skin (and piss) off shower, we headed into twilight Vegas to see the Mirage volcanoes (ok) and the Bellagio fountains (brillo - 'specially set to All That Jazz). The Strip was jam packed - mostly with people who seem to think it's "awesome" to walk in the street with beer in a red cup. Please, it is only acceptable when it is a Flirtini. Although beer in a red cup reminds me of visiting my frat friends at SUNY Geneseo. Oh the paddlings :P

On the plus side, I did get a Leigh & Luca scarf. Which Entertainment Tonight later informed me is this season's must have accessory. For women! Oh :/ Though ET said men like Jude Law rock them too. I'm now just like a philandering cad. I do like it though. And the name reminds me of Dean and DeLuca. Which reminds me of Felicity. Always a good thing!

December 29th 2009:

I have 3 flaws. Actually, I have many flaws but 3 of them manifest themselves far more than others during this day. Let's investigate:

1. I'm grossly impatient when it comes to crowds. I haate not being able to walk at my own pace which is usually much quicker than your average dawdle. So a crowded vegas strip isn't conducive to my rage! Particularly when behind drunk college kids with massive margheritas whose conversations consists of "dude", "dude, that's awesome" "you're right, that's awesome dude" and "dude"! c'mon! PS I realise this makes me sound incredibly grumpy and old :/
2. Verbal vomit: Darren is convinced I will be beaten up one day because occasionally I have no social edit over what comes out of my mouth. Case in point ~ I was halfway through the far too narrow walkway to the carpark when this woman came through at the other end with her kids and announced "Excuse me, but my kids need to walk through first" like that was the most normal and sane request in the world! Uh no, perhaps if you children learnt that good manners are paramount rather than coming first, they would have a better role model than you in the world! Luckily, the incredibly rude woman storming out of Barnes & Noble who barged past Darren and I AND blew her Starbucks Frappacino straw wrapper onto me left me so aghast that my vocal chords wouldn't function!
3. I'm aware that no matter how hard I try, sometimes I get this look on my face that suggests to onlookers that all surrounding me is beneath me. This isn't true - I'm just not particularly extrovert. So when we went to The Price Is Right Live and everyone was a-whooping and a-hollering, I must have looked like a right mardybum. So of course I get called to contestants row and have to run down pretending it's the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. It was not. My guess was way low, but they inexplicably gave me an XXL tshirt and at least I charmed the audience with my lovely British accent.

Rest of the day was fun. Darren bought a new jacket from Express that makes him look like a more interesting, slightly older Joe McElderberry (whose photoshoots in magazines like OK are as dull and lifeless as he is). Then some bloke at Palazzo asked if we were fairies - actually, he didn't, he just asked if we wanted our pictures taken WITH some hot fairies. Finally a vegas I can get down with :) So of course we said yes and charmed them by describing our life in England as if it were Kate Winslet's cottage in The Holiday. Works every time.

Pop update on Saturday! Finally!! Including the AMAZING new Elouise EP :)

December 26th 2009:

Hurrah, it's Boxing Day. Which doesn't actually exist in the US "of" A, so I just have to pretend St Stephen is here in spirit. The sleep fairy is on a break however, so I am up at 3am (3 a e.ee am, 3 a eee am eternal) but dropped off again for a few hours at four. Phew. The day light is actually quite charming - bracingly chilly, but delightfully sunny with it and my English (as it always does abroad for some reason) becomes more pronounced so I use words like exquisite, ghastly, frightful and exasperating. It's all very jolly hockeysticks old bean, pip pip!

Had a nice look around Mandalay Bay (gold!), Luxor (beamy) and Excalibur (medieval!) Lush had a brilliant sale on (buy 1 get 2 free, ah if only snooty Abercrombie would do the same), although the overpowering perfumey aroma osmosed my every pore and made my eyes water. Urban outfitters has gone even more earth-mothery than usual. I did find some ace glasses and a hat which I personally thought made me look jaunty with an air of european chic. Darren said I looked like a nerd :( Then to make me feel even better, I got stopped by this woman at a stand selling salt body scrub. In front of what was probably the entire population of Las Vegas, she removed what seemed like an acre of dead skin, then pointed out the flaws in my face and informed that I could become more attractive for just $79.95, yes just $79.95!! I less than politely declined and scuttled off with my blotchy face and dead skin leaving her aghast that I had turned her down.

Went round the titanic exhibition at Luxor (beamy!) - was just tremendous. Had I been blogging in 1998, I would have written pages about the movie and it's accuracy (many years on, i take the piss out the dialogue in the first half and enjoy the second half's drama much more). I was obsessed. I loved the movie and devoured everything I could about the 1912 disaster. The exhibition was really clever - walked you through the excitement of the launch of the boat (you are given the boarding pass of an actual passenger) and showed parts of the ship (replicas anyway). The staircase and eerily accurate starry night-next-to-impending-iceberg promenade was brillo ("Smell ice can ya? Bleedin' Christ!") and there is even a giant iceberg you can touch. Was aces. Even though my passenger drowned :(


December 27th 2009

A bit of a laxidaisical day - not surprisingly considering we were wide awake at 3am (won't do the KLF "joke" again) watched episode 9 of season 5 of Lost and were at the gym by 4am! Stupid space time continuum! Anyway, we were soon up and at'em and playing penny video poker at Excalibur (cheap skates) while I downed my very first Caramel Apple Spice from Starbucks. Oh. My. God. Why don't they do these in England? It was absolutely delicious. I nearly spaffed my wad. And (apparently annoyingly, though I still believe endearingly) I informed Darren of it's deliciousness with every single sip. Because it was delicious. Yum.

Did the CSI:The Experience at MGM Grand. It was only ok. You basically solve a crime by going through forensic evidence. One woman took it REALLY seriously - she was taking photos and everything. The staff (all "lady" cops in slutty police stripper outfits) were talking to us "detectives" and this woman was talking about particular episodes in incredible detail and blathering on about it being the best show of the decade (oh please ~ above The Mountain? I don't think so!) and how everyone she had EVER met loved the show. I casually/innocently remarked that I had never seen an episode (I haven't - much like Star Wars/Star Trek, neither of which I have seen, it doesn't appeal) and she looked at me like I had committed crime scenario number 2 on her personally! I ran away and hid behind the fake autopsy table such was the ferocious intensity of her glare :/

Later on, we went to see Avatar. It is clearly not a movie for kids. On the right we had girls who didn't understand the plot at all and had to ask what was happening every two minutes. On the left we had a young lad who came out with statements like "Daddy is this movie over yet" and "Daddy, that popcorn has made me need a poo poo" ~ how charmant. Still, I really enjoyed it despite the incredibly hokey dialogue (never Cameron's strong point ~ remember Titanic? Course you do - I just wrote about it! "I put the diamond in the coat" {gesticulates wildly} "I put the coat on the girl!!") and the plot being the sci-fi equivalent of the pilgrims taking the Indians land story. And the "female lead" was a bit annoying. Other than that it was rather ace, particularly visually. I didn't join in the gasps of horror from the audience, but I didn't judge them too harshly for it either :)


More tomorrow! You lucky buggers!

December 24th 2009:

It's Christmas Eve! The eve of Christmas! Although as we will be in the air for most of the day after Christmas eve, monsieur pants and I decided to have a festive breakfast and open our presents this very morning as if it were in fact Christmas Day. Which possibly explains why Darren bounded into the bedroom at 5.46am like an exuberant puppy who has sneakily eaten the festive ham, puked it back up and then gobbled down the remains. Ie he looked all excited but sheepish too. I should think so too at this ridiculously early hour. So we opened presents and had a delicious bacon & stilton sandwich before heading off to the hotel near the airport for the night.

Darren remained overstimulated for the whole, reasonably traffic free drive down. He even let me put on my Christmas and Best of 2009 cds without batting an eyelid. We stopped off at a new service station on the way where I had the most delicious chicken stock soup ever. EVER! I mean it was neverending and filled with chunky breast. Unfortunately for the toothless old lady behind me in the queue, I had the last one and she quite literally could not keep the drool off her chin or the fury out of her eyes. I feared she would gum job me like the Drag Me To Hell woman!
Luckily, I (and the entire queue) was distracted by Darren shouting "ooo, i've found a newspaper on the discarded tray pile". Class act. He promptly dragged from beneath the dirty dishes and ran off tittering like a school girl. I reluctantly followed. I would have read the paper but the previous owner obviously had very greasy food and left the paper all stained. On the back page, David Beckham had obviously had a right good fingering...

We grabbed a Starbucks (of course) and don't even get me started on it being in a normal non-festive white cup. Scrooges. Darren bonded with the lesbian in front (how did we know? We read her text message while we were in line - something about her looking forward to ice cream later and was she making it with breast milk again!! This was when I declined cream in my White Chocolate Mocha!) - they both had OCD tendencies, something that became apparent as Darren tidied up the coffee bean display!

The hotel is lovely and the mattress so comfortable. I seduced Darren by reciting the lyrics to Justify My Love and snuggled down to sleep! Viva Las Vegas!

December 25th 2009:

Hurrah! It's Christmas Day! The day I slavishly wait for all the live long year! Though to be honest, once it's here I'm bored of it. It's all about the build up, the energy, the collective thrust, the excitement, the warm fuzzies... once the climax has been attained, I just want to roll over and go to sleep. But today is going to be the longest Christmas day on record as we have an 11 hour flight ahead of us and when we land, we will be 8 hours in the past. Kinda like the island skipping on Lost, but without (hopefully) the flashes, nosebleeds and death inducing headaches. Or Daniel Faraday. As we left our far too comfortable hotel suite, I remarked to Darren that he looked slightly army in his browns and greens. Most people would take this to mean "oh I look slightly army in my browns and greens" Darren drops to the floor, does an avoid-the-enemy-type gampbol and runs off down the hall with his fingers as guns. I guess I'll carry the suitcases then!

The airport is sort of full of Christmas cheer, though I am failing to find all the love (actually) that Prime Minister Hugh Grant espouses so passionately about. There is no Starbucks (bah humbug) so we make our way through the duty free shops. I must admit I'm a bit shallow when it comes to choosing nice smelling eau de parfum pour hommes. Instead of thinking "ooo what a frightfully pleasant aroma", I look at the men advertising them and think "ooo, whose essence would I like sprayed all over me chest?" Paco Rabanne Black XS it is then!

The V-Lounge at the airport was very nice (it's like the first class lounge only any peasant can buy a ticket. Aces) The young fella on the welcome desk was awfully pleasant - he practically rammed his festive treat down my throat. Still, it was a lovely mince pie. And while in the lounge, we decided on next year's December getaway - 3 days in LA, a 7 night mexican cruise, then 4 days in vegas. Um, just finding a way to pay for it now then...

The flight was largely uneventful. I watched a few movies (including of course The Holiday and Love Actually - to make me feel like i was nestled on Santa's sleigh and not a 747. Amandawoods? Is that all one word then? Where the fuck is my fucking coat? Amazing!)It was once we got off the plane that The Nightmare on Christmas began. Some loon had tried to blow up another flight so airport security was all ajitter. The luggage rack was faulty, so it would stop every couple of minutes, make an abrasive alarm sound and then start again. Joy. Then the line to pick up the rental car took over an hour to navigate. They did play The Chiffons Sweet Talking Guy which right cheered me up, but I must confess I was becoming increasingly grinch-like. 4 hours after stepping off the plane, we were at the 20 mins from the airport hotel! 22 hours of Christmas day and still some left! Still the girl on reception was a right perky little elf (in attitude and bosomal area) and I did laugh like a jester from jester camp who had just drunk some jester juice when Darren ended the day with his army gambol down the hall, only to land at the feet of a bemused Chinese business man. Ho ho ho.

More soon!

Oh my good garden gnomes. I am still in a weird funk. Darren tried to slap it out of me, but I enjoyed that too much and while it did lead to a brief funk respite, it returned with a vengeance, um, after... Such moodiness has led to a severe case of foot-in-mouth disease, which is worse than swine flu and certainly on a par of stupidity of flying jet planes near buildings in NYC. Par example, I walked straight past an old colleague yesterday and didn’t even recognise her. To be fair to me, she usually has the personal style of Ellen DeGeneres (trousers, pumps and a boyish quiff) and was now wearing a floral print dress and had permed her hair. It was quite the abrasive shock – like seeing Ellen in a frock and ringlets! My shock and moody funk led to the following words coming out of my mouth (like word vomit as Kady would say in the epic Mean Girls) “Oh my god, I didn’t recognise you, you look so different. Like a young Susan Boyle!” Sweet Shane McGowen – why she didn’t punch me immediately in the nose is utterly beyond me :(

Then my mood at work hasn’t been fantastic today either – lots of my previously mentioned fired colleagues leave today and I was stuck writing our company response to the swine flu pandemic. It’s made me a bit paranoid. I have already personalised my FFP2 face mask and am walking around with a huge bottle of hand sanitiser in my pocket! So no I am not pleased to see you. I might have gone a bit too far when I started pressing the lift/elevator button with my fountain pen. Really we should all be furious with the farmer who sodomised that poor porker and started this whole thing off...

So i need an international rescue to lift my mood – and soon! I turn 35 on Sunday and can’t be in a weird depressive funk for that! So recommend happy songs, happy films, happy tv show episodes (sniffle, last Pushing Daisies this Friday!) and get me back to my normal only slightly manic depressive self...

(This has gone some way to cheering me up!)

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• To be honest, the first day of the holiday (the "travel" day) passed in a feverish blur. I quickly developed some evil strain of bug on Friday night, which meant that by the time I got on the plane (to a middle seat! The world is so cruel sometimes) I was shivering, sweaty, phleghmy, coughing, sniffing... Oh. I should probably stop. I am no doubt turning you on with my alluring description :)


• Try as I might, I couldn't sleep on the plane (I am snobby and think that economy airline staff will rob my wallet if I doze - unless you are reading this and work on one, then you are of course the most lovely exception to that rule) so managed to read the whole of the latest Diary of a Chav series. A couple of laugh out loud moments had me coughing up a lung, much to the distaste of the woman on my right. It's not like I didn't cover my mouth!! (Though I suspect that glistening thing on her cheek was a bit of my errant spittle, so fair "dos" I suppose)...


• I honestly didn't know that CHAV stood for Council House and Violent. Lumme!


• After a lo-ooo-o-ng debacle over the car hire vehicle (which I was far too tired and irritable to deal with - leading to the most mortifyingly laughable statement to ever pass my lips "Listen ugly betty, don't think i won't call your superior because I will, cough cough, hack hack, etc". God I'm an arse sometimes. Hideous), we arrived at our gorgeous little holiday bungalow with lovely patio and pool and only two mins from the sea. Lush. Only downside? 2 single beds :( More on that later....


• Mr Pants dosed me up with medicine and put me to (single) bed, where I slept all afternoon. The little prince even went and got me ice cream for when I woke up. I married good, people :P


• Felt much better by Sunday morning, so we went for a walk through the Maspalomas sand dunes, which lead to the beach. Absolutely gorgeous- sand for miles. Clear blue skies. Weird and wonderful plants. The distant sound of the ocean. and if you get slightly off the recommended route as Darren and I ACCIDENTALLY did, you see the more salubrious activities that the dunes are famous for - a gay dogging area :O And I ain't talking Crufts. These were pure mongrels. (oxymoron?) Walking past a bush to find an old naked Spanish gentleman having a widdle who then says "you like that I should peeeese on you?" is not my idea of a heavenly getaway. Neither is stumbling - ALMOST LITERALLY - across a forty year old fatty bouncing on some frankly terrified looking twink instructing him to "tug on my tits you lazy c***!!" :O :O :O x one million. SWEET BLOSSOM RUSSO!


• I think because I was still goofy on medication, and Darren hasn't had a drunk since his op, we got very drunk on very few drinks on Sunday night. We went to some cabaret bar and I got hammered after 2 Schmirnof Ice (v. Diary of a Chav) This did not bode well for when I got dragged on stage to copy the professional dancer. Still I am quite proud of how high I jumped when copying his mid-air splits manouevre. Though my crotch was a bit achey.


• On the single beds? Thanks to portion control, wii fit, me being within my ideal BMI and Darren being v buff indeed, they didn't pose a problem. We are both surprisingly limber and bendy. Overshare?


• I'm not one to lie by the pool or bake on the beach (I have an irrational fear of getting any sort of cancer again so slather myself in factor 50), but don't mind curling under a tree or in the shade of the bungalow patio while Darren catches some "rays". This is how I ploughed through Stephanie Myer's Eclipse by Tuesday morning. It was MUCH better than New Moon - except for the preachy part about waiting until marriage for nookie. I'd have to check but i'm pretty sure she lifted that word for word from "Mormon Doctrine".


• A trip to the water park was fun and despite the glorious weather, it was very quiet indeed. Busy enough though that one could see where people had missed putting suntan lotion on their bodies - weird red patches decorating their sides and backs like angry tattoos. Anyway it was a proper good time - though the vertical slide gave me an atomic wedgie reawakening my achey crotch. My trunks were nearly nipple high by the time I reached the bottom six seconds later. Owsers.


• Seeing as I finished my book, I caught up on tv shows on the Archos. Bro and Sis is fast becoming my very fave OTT soapy drama (loving Ryan), though Grey's Anatomy is slowly digging itself out of the crappola hole that mired the first half of this season. It had two GREAT lines this week that were all in the delivery:
  - (Meredith on the news of Christina's solo surgery) "Congratulations. I know I should sound more excited for you, but I'm not that big a person"
  - (Christina to Izzy after the latter hears the interns call a patient 'blowhole' and wondering if her condition means she will be 'scrambled cheese brain') "No. Scrambled cheese brain is too long. Blowhole is pithy" Amazing :)


• Another night out, another visit to the cabaret bars and clubs. Let's talk bathrooms for a moment. (Obviously not what goes on in them because that would be distasteful - especially in the slutty Yumbo centre where - let us not forget - Sean Same Diff infamously declared he once had sex. Yikes) Apparently at Sparkles Showbar, men are only allowed to tinkle. Urinals, but no stalls! Plus the urinals are so close together, i had to check on more than one occasion that I was holding my own todger. I was. And! If you are at the far urinal, which I was once, when the bathroom door opens everyone gets a birdseye view of what you are up to! Good gravy.


• And at aces musicals bar Centre Stage (possibly the only place in the world where really tough looking dudes scream in delight when The Lonely Goatherd or America appear on the video screen) there is no lock on the one person at a time bathroom. I am now an expert at, uh, holding and aiming with one hand, and pushing the door shut with the other. It has really improved my yoga skills.


• The none-dunes seafront walk is really quite lovely. Sea and sand on one side and bountiful flowers on the other. It's quite the hike too. No wonder I had lost another 3lbs by the time I had gotten home to England! Darren and I were walking along, chatting quite merrily when he felt this hand tap him on the shoulder. Even though there was plenty of room on the promenade, this feisty old German woman moved him out the way, pointing her finger in his face as she moved past. Quite bizarre. Nearly as funny as when some gypsies grabbed his hands, wrapped twine around his fingers and tried to force him to buy lucky heather! He only got away by bending the woman's fingers back and running from the loony leprachauns :P


• Ah, there is nowt so queer as folk. Walking down to the Yumbo one night, we were behind this charming old couple holding hands and chatting. How sweet I thought until I was transfixed with horror as a wet patch began to creep up the ladies rear crotch and spread up her bottom. She didn't even skip a beat, though both her and her husband fingered the wet patch, smelt it and obviously decided it wasn't worth going home for. Meanwhile Darren and I tittered like immature school girls behind them!


• Good Lord! I mean, what exactly do you do when the drunken owner of a bar takes a bit of a shine to you, unbuttons his shirt and starts suggestively pulling on chains attached to nipple clamps with a look on his face that says "Look. It's my nipples. For you. Have a go. Ooo. I don't think you know what pain is. I'm not going to hurt you. Just close your eyes. Etc" (Wow a look can say a lot). My feet have never been so fascinating. Darren laughed like a drain.


• After 10 games of Mario Party on DS this holiday, I won exactly two. And that was pure luck. I have no skill at these sort of things, which is surprising considering how dexterous and responsive my fingers are on a piano keyboard. Plus after that many losses, my external gracious loser face was replaced by an outward showing of my internal rage and impotence. Good sportsmanship be damned! I was miffed :(

THE END :) (btw do not click on the photos for big versions. I have red eyes in all of them and look demonic!)

Is not the name of a new thrashy pop punk group lead by a deliciously edible scruffy but sweet lead singer. No. It is the little occurrences of the past 8 hours that make up this wonderful thing called life:

FACT: I arrived at work to find the management team in full panic mode. I can't really say what was going on, but it certainly meant that the best part of my morning was spent going through contracts and doing damage control. I didn't even get to follow Popjustice opening the post on twitter. Hideous.

FACT: I was so bleary eyed and tired from contract reading and arse kissing/damage controlling (i'm not a particularly brilliant arse kisser), that when i was making myself a lovely cup of Caro, the HR woman (think Vicar of Dibley lookalike) was telling me about a bug keeping lots of staff off and then said "i wish i had a bug - i'd lose some weight"!! Without even thinking, I said "oh you'll need more than a bug" :O Don't chastise me - I am mortified enough. I have no tact when I am tired! Hideous.

FACT: This one is, er, a little delicate. I have been having tummy problems of late and the doctor gave me some stuff that really works, but er, really doesn't give me much notice when nature calls. If you aren't on board now, i'm not explaining further! Anyhoo, I ran rather urgently to the bathroom today, and such was my haste, i didn't notice the toilet seat wasn't down and fell rather hard into the bowl, bruising my cocyx. I may have screamed rather loud too. Hideous.

FACT: Darren and I decided to get take out to cheer ourselves up after respectively awful/boring days. Only I had to go and get it (thanks Mr Pants). On the way back through the town centre, some religious nutter on religious pills escaped from nutter camp kept accosting me with warnings of fire and brimstone, and only Jesus' light could save me, and love, etc. In the end, i got a little bit narked and had my second tactless outburst of the day snapping "oh jesus christ, if heaven is filled with people like you, i'd rather keep warm in the fires of hell thank you very much. Now piss off" Only the piss off sounded really camp and gay. Hideous.

FACT: Listening to the mighty mighty Erik Hassle's Hurtful on the way home, getting a Chinese and watching tv with darren (Heartbreakers, Jennifers bosoomas are off the scale in it!) made the end of the day more bearable. Less Hideous.

THE END.

Good gravy. (And last Sunday it was. Darren mixes up a lovely batter!). After the last slightly fact orientated Erasure post of just two days ago, I was trying to recall why I stuck with Erasure after the giddy highs of ISISIS and Erasure through the lows of Loveboat and Other People's Songs (more on that below). One reason is that I am generally quite loyal to artists who i've supported for a long time (i'm still kinda rooting for a decent Whitney comeback, and god knows Deborah Gibson must have a brilliant album in her, 8 years after her last set of original music) and especially loyal to those who injected a little colour and excitement into my youth. After all, growing up a gay Mormon could've been fraught with challenges. However, as the picture above shows (guess which one i am - clue, i have a hideous flick of hair and detestable trousers on, but at least no flash of white socks. Even then i knew white socks with formal attire was a neddy no no), I had a pretty balanced childhood. I wasn't itching to run away to the big smoke or anything cliched like that, in fact church was one of the few places i didn't get teased about being a big homo. Church dances were a pretty regular occurence, and though Darren mocks me for it now, it was there that I first heard Erasure's Sometimes and A Little Respect and fell in love with the band. It was also with a friend from church and school that at age 17, we skipped class and drove down to London for our second row Erasure tickets concert. I was absolutely surrounded by hedonistic, colourful gays and drag queens, opening my eyes to a world I hadn't seen before. I even kept some of the feathers from Andy Bell's boa that made it into the crowd, and naively fought off a lot of attention from the older guys round me. Boy, could I have been a human pin cushion that night :P And even though the bright lights of London couldn't lure me (I've always had the need to be quite close to my family), I swore there and then that I would love Erasure forever for showing me how to be comfortable with myself. And thus it was so. Even during the Other People's Songs years...:P

Other People's Songs - Erasure have done some quite decent cover versions in the past. Their Abba-esque EP remains a classic. Magic Moments is lovely. Even their blondie covers (Heart of Glass and Rapture) are palatable. For some reason though, the majority of this 2003 set of cover versions didn't click with me. Sure they erasure'd up the songs so they do actually sound like Vince/Andy tunes but at best this is a bit of a vanity project that is top-end karoke. I think at the time, I was just eager for some self penned Erasure tunes and this didn't really scratch my itch. Fair do's though, the way Come Up And See Me is sung, is positively filthy.
Singles: Solsbury Hill (#10); Come Up And See Me (#14); True Love Ways (NR)

Nightbird - Mercifully there was a great return to form with this next album. The lead off single, the gracefully mature Breathe (even more magnificent in acoustic format) managed to become one of my top ten Erasure songs of all time. The tune (and ultimately album as a whole) bear more than a passing resemblence to the great tunes they put out in the late 80s and early 90s. Once again, the songs are about the good and bad sides of love and are presented in an intimate personal way - perhaps more so because the album was solely produced by Erasure. Thanks to a seemingly renewed confidence in their abilities, and an endearing sense of optimism, the lyrical beauty and melodic dancing throughout this set could've easily spawned five-six singles. All This Time manages to be both inspiring and heartbreaking at the same time, while shades of the mighty OMD run throughout Here I Go Impossible Again. Abba influences are apparent on the mighty Don't Say You Love Me while it's a trip back to ISISIS with the epic Let's Take One More Rocket To The Moon. But for a sad, autumnal sounding affair you can't go far wrong with I Bet You're Mad At Me. All quite, quite lovely indeed.
Singles: Breathe (#4); Don't Say You Love Me (#15); Here I Go (#25); All This Time (#25)

Electric Blue (Andy Bell solo) - Barely 10 months after the excellent Nightbird was shockingly rejected by the British public (though was their most successful album for a while), Andy went solo on the mixed bag club-orientated album Electric Blue. And for sure, the album is more Sylvester than Erasure - and more celebratory than the sombre Nightbird. Despite the fact that Andy Bell looks like Grace Jones on the cover, it's a decent set of songs designed to get you on your feet. For me, it does lack Vince's synths, though of course if they had been there it wouldn't really have been a solo project would it?! Dogged by bad singles choices (Crazy instead of the gorgeous ballad Rest of Our Lives; I'll Never Fall In Love Again instead of dancefloor stomper Delicious), there are still gems to be found. I'm not a massive fan of the Jake Shears duet I Thought It Was You (though that could easily have been a club hit), but Caught In A Spin and Shaking My Soul are proper good slices of electronic dance. A woeful lack of promotion meant that only hardcore Erasure fans checked this out...
Singles: Crazy (#35); I'll Never Fall In Love Again (NR); Rest of Our Lives (NR); Delicious (NR)

Union Street - the third Erasure/Erasure linked album in less than 18 months was an acoustic rendering of some of their smaller hits and album tracks. As I have always loved a more reflective melancholy Erasure, this set of tunes was custom made for me. The track above is their gorgeous Nightbird track I Bet You're Mad At Me, which wasn't on the album, but on the lovely Boy EP which fleshed out the Union Street tracklisting even further. Stay With Me is by far a highlight for me, but as it is one of my favourite Erasure songs ever, that is hardly surprising. Home and Tenderest Moments are also beautifully presented here. Yes it's true that often Andy Bell's voice benefits from a more vast production scale, this set of lesser known tunes stripped down to their purest form show that Erasure really do know how to write a decent tune and can sometimes pull off a more restrained performance. Their acoustic tour accompanying this album was quite lovely.
Singles: Boy (NR)

Light At The End Of The World - (check out my original review here) It stands true that Erasure (and probably pet shop boys/depeche mode) are past the point of winning over masses of new fans with each release. That certainly doesn't mean they should give up making new albums, especially when they are as peppy and upbeat as this one. It's almost like taking Wild and Chorus, putting them on the same stage they were many years ago but giving them different lighting - it's certainly a more *pop* album than anything since Chorus. I Could Fall In Love With You has Vince's traditional synth wizardry running through it, while the lovely Sunday Girl is epic electro-pop heaven. An EP of alternate mixes and remixes (Storm Chaser) was released which enhances the album and gives the listener the opportunity to put together their ultimate version tracklisting. The extended mix of Sucker For Love brings out the beauty of the song, while When A Lover Leaves You really should have been a single - it's as lovely as Happy Ending by Mika (particularly with the lovely strings intro from the EP). It wasn't particularly revolutionary or cutting edge, but it was a consistent set of well composed emotive love songs, and really after 25 years that is what Erasure does best.
Singles: I Could Fall In Love With You (#25); Sunday Girl (#32); Sucker for Love (NR); Storm In A Teacup (NR); When A Lover Leaves You (NR)

Seeing as Pop - The First 20 Hits had a perfect chronological tracklisting, I can only wish that Erasure had been given more singles success from their latter albums. My own personal Pop 40 tracklisting would be as follows...

DISC ONE - Enough Is Enough (With KD Lang)/Rage (with Lene Lovich)/Always/Run To The Sun/I Love Saturday/So The Story Goes/Stay With Me/Fingers and Thumbs/Rock Me Gently/Sono Luminous/In Your Arms/Don't Say Your Love Is Killing Me/Rain/Worlds On Fire/Freedom/Alien/Here In My Heart/Perchance To Dream/Always (2009 mix)/Fingers and Thumbs (Soundfactory Edit)

DISC TWO - Solsbury Hill/Come Up And See Me/True Love Ways/Magic Moments/Breathe/Don't Say You Love Me/Here I Go Impossible Again/All This Time Still Falling Out Of Love/Crazy/I'll Never Fall In Love Again/Rest of Our Lives/Delicious/Boy/I Could Fall In Love With You/Sunday Girl/Sucker For Love/Storm In A Teacup/When A Lover Leaves You/A Little Respect (Avantara Remix Edit)/Always (Manhatten Clique remix edit)

Today is DazPatient's birthday. He is not having a particularly bonza day because he is still in recovery from his back operation. I had a quick gander at it today (I'm quite squeamish so I nearly passed out) and the stitches make it look a bit like a sewn up vagina (I know what i'm talking about because i've seen that dreadful horror Teeth). Delightful. I was a good boyfriend and got Mr Patient a nintendo wii and wii fit, which admittedly he couldn't use much today, but we had fun anyway. I'm not sure why my Mii is ginger - perhaps it's due to the bizarrely filthy dream I had about Gary Windass the other day. Shocking. Anyway, back to Darren's birthday. He managed to beat me at Mario Party from his bed, and laughed his ass off when my wii fit age meant my Mii's body ballooned out a bit. Outrageous! Anyway, I'm waffling. Darren doesn't listen to albums much, but he is quite fond of today's effort...

Neo - Debut: Ah Neo. Let me get this out of the way. I preferred Neo as a Linus, but I am warming to his new name and curly locks ever so slightly, now I have disassociated it from the crappy Matrix sequels. If - like me - you are patiently waiting for the latest bound-to-be-brilliant albums from BWO, Mika, Scissor Sisters and perhaps a new b-side from Same Difference, then wait no more! Neo has cobbled together an album that mixes together all those sounds and yet somehow manages to be something a little bit separate and distinct. Naturally, all the decent blogs have already picked up on his curly haired, black shirted amazingness including bobbypops and the lovely Nick Alienhitter. And why wouldn't they? His cover version of Leo Sayer's You Make Me Feel Like Dancing which sounds equally retro and modernised and stands alongside "tributes" I Don't Feel Like Dancing and If You Can't Dance quite perfectly as an ace trifecta of pop aceness. His latest single Higher is ever such a little like a modern day remake of Take On Me, but with less falsetto than Magnus Carlsson's Live Forever. It soars from the get go and Neo's voice has this great warming deep tonal quality that makes it stand out from his pop peers. Given the right promotion, Higher could be a massive single in England without reliance on the cybertronic trance elements that seem to be topping the charts right now, and may sound a bit dated in 12 months time. Flower Power Super Girl is poised to be a single due to the fact that it's just as catchy as any BWO single - and currently more cutting edge than the template that Swedish supergroup are reliant on. Bachelor could also be a single, and in the mix are some gorgeous ballads that soar freely alongside lovely tunes like Mika's Happy Ending and BWO's Will My Arms Be Strong Enough. January 23rd is (poor Darren) classed as the most depressing day of the year in England - it's the day that everyone gets their post Christmas credit card bills, the weather is miserable and Ben Adams is unlikely to win Celebrity Big Brother. Head over to this link and check out some of Neo's quite delicious and uplifting pop tuneage and put a little sunshine in your soul. Really - i want to pat him on the back and hug him for positively brightening up my January :)