Lopez Blogs

Thank god for live pause. Over 7 minutes have passed and the show has only just gotten through the "what happened so far" bit that they seem to love more than the fourth season of Angel. Even once this has happened, there is an incredible amount of filler going on. None of this matters though because IT IS THE RETURN OF DANNII MINOGUE. She looks bloody radiant. Now it feels like the x-factor.

THE BOYS

• The young chaps are frolicking on the beaches while Dannii continues to look radiant and Natalie Imbruglia gets more practice for the Australian version...
• NICOLO (FORD) FESTA ~ the real diva fever auditions with lots of annoying crap about how this is his destiny, how he's wanted to do this since he was three, no four, no three (make up your mind, it was the womb last week!) He does have a really interesting voice and does a decent reading of Paloma's New York. I find him fascinating but wonder how he will be liked in the main shows...
• TOM ~ the boy who should be in the boyband instead of Liam Payne. I'm not bitter of anything. He does sort of show how difficult Feel by Robbie Williams is to sing without sounding shouty. Dannii thinks he is a bit "theatrical"...
• PAIGE ~ I just don't get him. The bow tie and hat are not really working for him either. He does True Colours by Cyndi Lauper and his facial expressions are akin to him having a rather difficult poo. I'm thankful when Eliza's Pack Up kicks in again and hope it's a sign that he's shipping back to show people where to sit during The A_Team movie...
• MONTAGE ~ montage? Oh you are having a giraffe! John gets a few seconds of a Take That song, Karl gets a few more seconds of something wailey. Marlon sings the other New York and we don't get to hear much of it because he's blubbing about his kids. They are clearly not allowed to have the two minutes everyone else got!
• MATT ~ ooo int he scruffy? I know people love him, due to his bootcamp audition but i thought it was boring. Flawless but boring. Today he does a gender switch song again and it's a bit more interesting (If I Were A Boy - oh but you are Matt. Unless you want to be a real boy. Like Pinocchio. Which i really must see if it is out on blu-ray). I really need him to go uptempo - there's a delicious hint of it in the latter part of the tune and his voice is lovely. I want him to go through just so I can see his makeover!
• AIDEN ~ He does look like a popstar doesn't he? He is either incredibly nervous or very into the tune. The fact that it is quite hard to tell worries me a bit. He seems quite good, I see it as nerves, Dannii sees it as centered. I bow to her superior wisdom and radiance.
• MY CHOICE ~ I would pick Nicolo, Matt and probably Aiden. I think Matt is Dannii's best chance of winning...

THE OVERS

• Louis is in Ireland and "due to a last minute change of plans" there is now Elesha in the newly aged over 28s category. He looks like he had a bit of a coniption fit at getting the overs and quite rightly so. He also looks terrified that one of Sharon's staples will pop out of her skull and permanently maim him...
• STEPHEN ~ does a Rhydian version of Get This Party Started with some flourishes and a nice Dermot-esque spin. I love how he quickly adjusts his clothes before the last note. This is more noticeable than when Doreen hung herself in Cell Block H and adjusted her skirt for dignity reasons when they cut down her supposedly lifeless body...
• MONTAGE ~ Yuli & Justin do bonkers auditions. No wonder Louis continues to look shit scared.
• WAGNER ~ he's actually like a halloween character isn't he, particularly when he talks about his death bed. Louis is speechless and well, Sharon's face couldn't move if it wanted to so she naturally looks stunned. He does a bit of Candi Staton. God it's boring. Poor Louis.
• MARY - yay! Oh just put her and Justin through. Justin cos he's a least a bit interesting. And Mary because I think she is all sorts of lovely. She's what Sharon would look like if everything pinged back into place. NOOOO! She forgets the words but pulls it back nicely. I love her. I would so buy my £5 tin of quality street from her till.
• JOHN ~ SEE, PAIGE!! This is how you wear a hat. He does a nice jaunty version of that ghastly Billionaire song. He seems so comfortable with it and gives a proper performance. Ok, now he's standing out. I like him.
• ELESHA ~ The most interesting thing about Elesha? It isn't what she sings. It's why she is in the competition. What happened? Do you have to buy the X-Factor magazine (which i adore) to find out?! I would have montaged her meself...
• STORM ~ ugh. So annoying, which means he'll get through. Hideous. He does Without You and of course it's fine, but no Mariah. I just can't get past how much I want to gag him when he's not singing. The tears are too much. Piss off.
• MY CHOICE ~ Easy from lack of choice. Should be Mary, John & Justin. Will be Mary, John and Storm :/

THE GROUPS

• The groups (who Simon clearly has no enthusiasm for. I knew they should have gone to Dannii) are in Spain. They all run and hug Sim-One which is a bit cheesy Disney movie of them, but at least look a bit disappointed that Sin-Eater isn't wearing the leaves. Though her bikini doesn't leave much to the iVagination, if you know what i mean. Ho ho, etc.
• TWAT ~ their purpose is music. I beg to differ when they butcher When Love Takes Over. Sin-Eater looks like she just clicked her vibrating knickers to on just to distract herself from the hideosity.
• NEW GIRL GROUP (BELLE AMI) ~ Ah the solo girls forced together to be a group. This could be awful. It's not. They start with a ballad version of Faith and then throw in some great harmonies in a funked up chorus. I'm pleasantly pleased. I actually really like them. No egos. Would love to see them in the live shows.
• MONTAGE ~ my beloved Princes & Rogues doe The Feeling's version of Video Killed The Radio Star. It all sorts of falls apart in the chorus, alas. Husstle do Tainted Love for a few seconds and The Reason do a ballad to prove they are essentially irrelevant now The Wanted are a hit.
• NEW BOY BAND (ONE DIRECTION) ~ the name has a whiff of desperation about it, but perhaps that's just because my mind goes to One True Voice. One of the lads - Louis - has a foot that has swollen to the size of a grapefruit from his frolicks with a sea urchin. The dope. But he's able to sing! HUGS from the boys. They look like they are cacking a load when they confirm to Simon that they are confident. It's Torn and Liam rightly takes a lead vocal along with Harry. There are some nice harmonies in the chorus and I urge them to go through because of Liam really. I'm not sure Sim-One will think it's enough...
• FYD ~ Sim-One didn't like them at auditions which probably means they will get through. The first few seconds are a mess but then they reel it back in with a snappy version of Beggin'. The stakes, boring ballad The Reason, have just been raised...
• DIVA FEVER ~ YAY! The show needs Diva Fever. I adore them. Absolute fun factor. Craig calls Simon 'darlin' which is tv gold right there. They do an acoustic version of Love Machine. It's different enough, it's quirky and the chorus - well it falls apart for a few seconds, but I still adore them!
• MY CHOICE ~ it's actually quite difficult. I'd go with Bel Ami, One Direction and Diva Fever. Back ups are Princes & Rogues, FYD and Husstle. See, i'm loving this category!

THE GIRLS

• The poor girls not only get Cheryl (who looks all English lady but totally Madonna does English lady) but are stuck in the UK. What a jip. I love how you can win a holiday to any of the destinations of the judges houses and choose which one you go to. How many will go "ooo, yes please, i'll just nip downt road to Berkshire, please luv"...?!?!
• REBECCA ~ Yes! Want her through. Switch and all! Why is there a tree in Cheryl's house btw? Gorgeous version of Fireflies. Gorgeous dress. Love everything about her. Yes. yes. yes.
• GAMU ~ Oh gosh, i love her too. She's definitely an old soul. I have to remind myself she is 18. Love how she walks down the staircase like Fallon Carrington (or at least Sammy Jo). It's a kooky version of Cry Me Out and she sounds like what Pixie Lott would sound like if I thought Pixie was any good.
• MONTAGE ~ Annastasia bemoans how she didn't get through 2 years ago (WHEN CHERYL HAD THE GIRLS THEN!) and that she might not get this second chance again. Well no you wouldn't. That would be your third chance, luv. Raquel blathers on about self esteem when really the producers should let us be listening to her nice voice. Keri has angry eyebrows.
• KATIE ~ Oh, love her too. Love her not natural at all walk through the park with a parasol. Her eyes actually click when she blinks with those ridickerous eyelashes. She does Smile (not Lily Allen) and clears her throat. Completely buggers it up. Again. I'm not a fan of this song, but i'm sort of willing her to do well because I like her and because she reminds me of beloved Suzanne from year 2 of Pop Idol...
• TREYC ~ another failed contestant, binned off by Sim-One last year. She she won't get another second chance either. Her shoulder pads are freaking out of control. "Are you ready" asks Cheryl. "I'm ready. So ready" confirms Treyc with conviction. "When you're ready then" says Cheryl! Does the Tweed even listen anymore?!
• CHER ~ Of course Cher is last. She represents someone this competition doesn't see much of. Some relevant, modern, edgy and marching to the beat of her own drum. She looks really fragile and poorly though. I want to hug her when she balls it up. The Tweed hugs her. Will I Am just looks uncomfortable, like just after when he allegedly biffed Perez. She ballses it up again! I like her, she's clearly distressed and poorly so needs to pull it together for live shows if she goes through... which she will.
• MY CHOICE ~ Rebecca. Cher. Then either Katie or Gamu i would be happy with.

THE FINAL 12!!

Christ almighty. I decided not to do a full rundown of this episode because essentially it was people getting a yes or a no, and not too many shock surprises. What i will say is that the blinking style editing used throughout was absolutely horrific. It was painful to look at, this screen change every few seconds between 2-3 people walking to hear their decision. Horrid. Anyway, here is who made it through...

• THE BOYS ~ Aiden/Nicolo/Matt. Yay, I'm 3 for 3 with this so very happy. Well done Dannii. I am a bit annoyed by Nicolo (if it is him) bleating on twitter about how the editing process has made him look a right tit. Oh Nicolo, if you don't know what the show is about and the risks of taking part, you shouldn't have applied...
• THE OVERS ~ John/"Storm"/Mary. I predicted these 3 but would rather have had the far more interesting Justin over Storm (who looked ghastly in the makeover bit). Yay for Mary though (her make over left a little to be desired also)...
• GROUPS ~ FYD/Belle Amie/One Direction. 2 out of 3 again, though FYD were one of my backups. I'll miss Prince & Rogues, but am thrilled with this category though obviously devastated by the loss of Diva Fever :(
• GIRLS ~ Rebecca/Katie/Cher. Again I'm 3 for 3 with this (sort of). I'll miss Gamu. And Cheryl will face lots of backlash about putting through people who fell apart during their judges houses auditions...

So that's it. it may be my favourite final 12 ever. I'm actually liking 11 out of the 12. And really like 8 of them. Amazes. Big twist next week apparently. I think it's time for a wild card round. Bring all 20 judges houses people back and let the public vote one of them into the live finals. See you back here next weekend!!