Lopez Blogs

AMAZING SPECTACULAR NEWS: Official website now up and running! It's SimonCurtisrific! Never let it be said that i am slacking in my google/simon/spectacular alert duties!! hehe.

As you can see from above, Darren and I fully embraced the American experience by nabbing ourself some wheeliechairs. Clearly darren is far more proficient at this sort of thing than I am. This is why the roller disco 9th birthday party clearly was a total disaster for me. Anyway, on with the show...

• Food courts in a mall are not my favourite places in the world to eat. Imagine my horror when i see a mom shove her baby on a table and change it's diaper/nappy. Mere inches from where people were eating. My appetite vanished as my mouth filled with billeous liquid and my nasal cavities were filled with the waft of fecal matter. Dirty bitch.
• I guess a small part of me is just a disney boy at heart. Not the gross commercialism of a store at the end of a ride (though ride me, and you won't need a store at the end!!) but the part of me that still believes dreams can come true and enjoys the music of Same Difference and Beauty & The Beast. Boo by the way to the #13 chart position. And don't get me started on McFly's first non top ten hit. Hmmm, maybe dreams DON'T come true after all :(
• During a pleasant afternoon at Animal Kingdom (aka the most boring place on earth), we were informed a mild storm/tornado warning was coming. Yes, if by mild you mean torrential rain being flung at you with icy needles jabbing your face. I may as well just have bathed in my clothes. My crotch hasn't been that wet since i accidentally brushed against Ben Barnes when he was playing Dakin in the History Boys. RAR!
• Busch Gardens is way too far away which is probably why it was empty. The rapids ride left me looking like i was entering a wet t shirt contest and with a wet crotch for the second day in a row. So to dry off we went to see Bolt, which was only ok until the hamster came on screen and then it was brilliant. "I'll get my ball" Hilarious!
• Back at universal, dazporn and I were intruiged to be asked if we wanted to see the next showing of the Whore Make Up Show. I mean, how avant garde. Katy Perry (my theory on why she is a premature ejaculation coming soon) is bound to be there for me to taunt. Sadly it was just the way the person pronounced "horror". What really was a horror was that the woman who asked us if we wanted to see it was called Dave. A dude! oh my good christmas goose!
• Kids say the funniest things: When the dude/she-dude hosting the whore/horror make up show pretended to be dead and asked if anyone knew CPR/mouth to mouth, some kid shouts out "my mommy does mouth on mouth all the time!!". What a lovely shade of mauve she turned...
• Cultural differences: I don't want to generalise and say all Americans do this, but it seems that "excuse me" is used as a carte blanche excuse in the Disney region! ran into my ankles with your stroller? Excuse me! Bashed my head with your shoulder bag? Excuse me! Stabbed me in the eye, robbed me and anally violated me? Just say excuse me and it will be all good. Colour me ignorant, but excuse me does not replace a please and sorry. I always thought excuse me PLEASE preceeded getting past someone, not just a careless aside when my personage has already been damaged!!
• I do like the sign language advertisement Kay Jewellers use for their Christmas range, and their brillo slogan "every kiss begins with kay". The wal-mart advertisement is rather good too where some dude (semi hot) invites all his friends and family round. Ah Christmas. How i would marry thee if thee were a person.
• I may have shamed myself at Blizzard Beach waterpark. it was quite good fun. Darren and I were going down some toboggan thingy on these mat thingymajigs and i thought i would be superacecool and launch myself onto the mat for a faster take off. Only i launched a little too early, my knees missed the mat, scraped along the concrete first and sent me off howling in agony. Boo you whore lifeguard, i heard you tittering. Far more entertaining was going down the rapids on rings. A very very very large man fell backwards onto his ring, which caused a mini tsunami and promptly sank to the bottom. I fear i guffawed far too loudly :(
• AberFitch, for some reason, is ridiculously overpriced. It also thumbs it's nose at the credit crunch by being too snooty to have a sale when everyone else is (bar the equally snooty Hollisters). Plus their range is a little dull anyway. Their prices obviously discriminate because they can't. Still i stayed in there for a while because of the hot dude folding sweaters in a santa hat and their more brillo than Disney radio in-store cd which played BWO Chariots of Fire, A*Teens I Promised Myself and the glorious This Is It by national sweetheart way before Cheryl Cole, Dannii Minogue.
• Stocked up on way too much tylenol PM to come home with, as it is only available on prescription in England!! Our friends always steal it from us. Oh my good garden gnomes, we are drug mules!
• Got ridiculously obsessed with Family Guy. It's just utterly outrageous. I've seen bits and bobs here and there before but not reams of whole episodes. It is Darren and my new obsession replacing Dynasty as our must watch regularly show! Plus i sound ace slamming out the theme tune on the piano!

Got home just in time to catch the X Factor before the big finale this Saturday! I sort of had gotten past caring with two weeks off and the news that lovely Ruth and aces Diana had gone (i DO actually find Diana's hand affectations very annoying but everything else written in this ace popjustice article is spot on). So we are left with a rather underwhelming final 3. I do kind of like Alexandra, though i think she is getting a bit cocky now, so I am fully behind team JLS (and not just because i would so do one of them). Eoghan, well, words fail me. If he wins it will be worse than Steve Brookstein winning or Ray Quinn coming second. See very important educational video about Eoghan above. People coming to my festive bash this saturday (you're all invited) will be given Team Alex or Team JLS badges. Anyone who asks for a team Eoghan badge will be given a nice knuckle sandwich and shown the door...

Back tomorrow with another festive goodie :) (static photos here)