Lopez Blogs

I always get a bit overexcited when I'm planning for a party, so I settled in for a nice afternoon with a nice vanilla latte (egg nog is so last year)and, as reminded by Aaron, the greatest movie based on the book Queen Bees and Wannabes ever Mean Girls. It even has a slightly amusing festive bit in, and of course invented one of my favourite phrases ever "boo you whore". Then i put out the mince pies, christmas tree shaped cakes, holly shaped brownies, mint holiday mix m&ms and snowflake shaped ritz crackers (all of which were scooped by Lydia bringing her homemade peppermint candy. Boo that whore). Then I reminded everyone of the party with this festive text...

"Twas the night of the party and all through the town/people were dressing up to boogie on down/there was planning at chezPaul where the mission was clear/to throw the best party of the whole damn year/And if you are not coming, just one festive message more/merry Christmas you losers and a big boo you whore"

THE X FACTOR FINALE:

Thank god the contestants and judges couldn't hear my merry troupe of party people rip apart the good names of the everyone involved in the X Factor. Personally, I was in a minority backing the lovely JLS, but the tide turned against eventual winner Alexandra. People didn't like her gawking over Beyonce during their "duet" and the amount of snot produced when she was eventually and scripted and predictably crowned the winner. Least dignified winner ever which means that the X Factor continues with it's patchy list of winners - Pop Idol got it right with William Young, though Pop Idol 2 bombed out with Geraldine, er I mean Michelle McmANUS (Andy Scott Lee should've won - he could've broken the Scott-Lee desperation curse). First X Factor should've been G4, not pervy old man Steve Brookstein. Mercifully Shayne Ward and Leona Lewis were to follow. And god bless little Leon Jackson, but he's not really international star material is he? And Alexandra - well the whole dream come true thing seems to be a bit overwrought and (perhaps I am a bit cynical and jaded) also a little bit of an act. you just know the snot stopped when she was off stage and she was already telling JLS to get out of her breathing space... Here are some of the unattributed comments from the party as the ever so ever so long X Factor finale played in the background...

• "Oh my god, Eoghan looks more and more like a constipated dwarf each week. His hair is outrageous"
• "oh my god, you can't say dwarf - it's constipated 'little person'"
• "666 just flashed across the screen. No wait, it's just evil soul sucker Cheryl Cole. God she's utterly chav isn't she?"
• "Let's hope Cheryl doesn't come across Alexandra in the toilets backstage - the excitement might make her forget herself and she'll clobber her one. You can take the girl out of Newcastle..."
• "Is it just me that wants to make Marvin from JLS a man? just me? Anyone? Oh come on, he's a fine specimen of x factor hunkiness!"
• "I think Marvin looks marginally better than he actually is because he is the standing near should've been drowned at birth Eoghan. I mean f*** me, we are mining Ray bloody Quinn territory here aren't we?"
• "Dannii looks brilliant tonight"
• "Jez from Britannia High has the most amazing grey tuxedo jacket he wears with jeans. [blank looks everywhere]. Oh piss off, you lot wouldn't know fashion if it smacked you in the mouth"
• "So if Eoghan came third, does this make him the equivalent of Same Difference? [quiet ensues as I choose to a give a bit of a death stare] Oh come off it, you just know those two crazy kids are going to have some gorgeous children [jaw drops to the floor]"
• "Oh Alexandra have some dignity. God there's not a court in the land would convict Cheryl if she did lamp her one in the green room bathroom..."

THE TOP 21 TRACKS OF THE WEEK:

Ah, how I adore Lilleth of Allen. The Fear is a great new tune - and it's not because she's added a bit of electro to her plinky plonky sounds that dominated the still amazing GWB. It's not because she totally destroys all the other singer songwriter wannabes in her wake. It's not because 6 tracks from her debut album made all made the top 11 of my charts, with her last non-single GWB making number one. It's because she makes that evil skank mistress of Satan Catwee Perry look like the premature ejaculation she really is. I mean, ok. You are all probably quite appreciating Hot n Cold, but like a premature ejaculation it's seems good while it's happening but the second before it occurs and right after it's done, well you just know that it's utterly utterly wrong. Anyway, The Fear is bloody amazing.

21 ~ McFly, Do Ya
20 ~ The Feeling, Won't Go Away
19 ~ Alphabeat, What Is Happening
18 ~ Mariah Carey, I Stay In Love
17 ~ Darin, Breathing Your Love
16 ~ Madonna, Miles Away
15 ~ Alesha Dixon, The Boy Does Nothing
14 ~ Leon Jackson, Creative
13 ~ JLS, Hallelujah (NE)
12 ~ Lily Allen, The Fear (NE)
11 ~ Britney Spears, Womaniser
10 ~ The Killers, Human
09 ~ Marit Larsen, I've Heard Your Love Songs
08 ~ William Young, Grace
07 ~ Girls Aloud, The Promise
06 ~ Britannia High, Start of Something
05 ~ Take That, Greatest Day
04 ~ Lenka, All My Bells Are Ringing
03 ~ Same Difference, We R One
02 ~ Leona Lewis, Run
01 ~ Jason Mraz, Live High (3 weeks)