Lopez Blogs

Sheesh. This may have been the worst X-Factor week this series so far. Everything about it just reaked. Before I go into individual analysis of the contestants performances, let's have a quick look at the other reasons why the show was a disaster from start to finish...

1. I know a lot of people like her. I know she is "credited" with improving ratings from 10million average last year to 12million this year. I know she has just been involved with what is currently my favourite single of the year. But let's face it people - Cheryl Biffa Tweedy Cole was a petulant pissy little bitch tonight. She can't take criticism. When she tried to interrupt Simon and he told her to wait her turn, the look of thunder on her face was clear for all. But it was alright for her to do exactly the same thing to Louis, who actually for the first time ever delighted me tonight when he actually managed one decent put down and called her Little Miss Showbiz. Viva Team Walsh-Minogue.
2. Mariah - oh my days. She must have been totally pillsed up. Uppers, downers, mood enhancers, sleeping tablets - whatever was in her cocktail meant she put on the most mediocre performance of I Stay In Love. She did everything but dribble out the side of her mouth! And her dress was freaking awful! Still, I do adore that song... and her rendition of Hero was much improved.
3. Mariah theme week ~ Hmmmm. Mariah has had a lot of songs. That she wrote and performed herself. So I was a bit annoyed that (yes, even though they are Mariah staples) several songs covered by Mariah showed up on the show tonight - Endless Love, Without You, Open Arms and Against All Odds. Over half the tunes weren't actually originally Mariah tunes. I may be nitpicking a bit, but I just thought, well what is the point?!
   
   

• Eoghan Quigg (worst popstar name ever up with Ray Quinn and David Sneddon) kicks off the show with Anytime You Need A Friend. The youthful styling of Eoghan aka Yorkshire Pudding Boy from last week has disappeared and he is back in completely inappropriate clothes that make him look like an old man. He manages a few decent notes, but is way way way out of his depth. Of course the judges tell him how amazing he is and he sails through to next week's show :(
• Ruth Lorenzo is practically sexually harrassed after her powerhouse performance of My All. It's rather lovely and flamenco infused, and she looks amazing. Of course, Simon alludes to liking two things about Ruth (as the camera pans onto her massive bazoongers) and Dermot gets in on the act with a sub-Carry On style innuendo about her castanets. I get it Dermot. You're a heterosexual. Well done. Sheesh. Ruth does have massive jugs though...
• Laura White plays the piano to Endless Love. It is clear that she is having a hard time concentrating and her vocal suffers as a result. Miraculously, the piano continues to play as Laura stands up to sing the end of her song and is much improved. It's too little too late though - compared to how she has performed in other weeks she seems a lot poorer than normal. Simon agrees, prompting Cheryl to go on and on about how hard it is to play the piano and sing. Yes Cheryl, but a) this isn't piano idol and b) Laura proved that tonight. Plus her dress, like Cheryl's, was freaking hideous.
• Rachel Hylton has an extended video intro where she moans about how crap Dannii's song choices are and how she must do it alone "for her kids" (3 of which are still in care!) She comes out, looks like she can't be bothered to be there (probably just upset that Mariah didn't share her uppers) and sings a completely out of tune version of Against All Odds. None of the judges mention that the vocal was appalling, just that she needs to get her confidence back. I really thought my ears were going to bleed listening to her. Bloody awful. I do not like this woman.
• JLS have fast become one of my favourite acts in the competition. Everything about them works from the fact that one of them used to be Cookie in the FunSongFactory to their styling to they are the act that looks like they are having the most fun. They do a very good harmonised version of One Sweet Day. Cheryl tells them (silly bint) that Louis shouldn't turn them into Westlife, leading Simon and Louis to both, in effect, tell her to shut the fuck up she doesn't know what she is talking about. Her face turns to thunder once more. Shame. JLS rock. Ish.
• (No Diana this week - she has an infection. That means no uptempo song at all this week - she was going to do my fave non Christmas Mariah song Always Be My Baby - and no hideous hand gestures showing how kooky and quirky she is)
• Daniel Daniel Daniel. Why he is still in the competition is beyond me. In the vt that runs before the live performance, he just comes across as having a complete lack of humility, and pitching way way way above his (considerable) weight. In many ways. One is that he completely believes in his miniscule hype and has built himself up in his own mind to be something he's not - and comes across as ridiculously arrogant and sycophantic because of this. Oh i am so amazing i went to a party, or i went to a bond premiere. Yeah you and the rest of the nobodys who used to be in hollyoaks/big brother. And secondly because of his girth, wearing black week after week does not suit him at all. It just emphasises how humongous he is. I'm all for different shapes and sizes, but please people have a bit of creativity in the wardrobe department. And his hair? It's like people who buy expensive sunglasses to try and look cool, and all it does it emphasis their other shortcomings - his "cool rockstar hair" does not work in the slightest. Having completely destroyed Daniel now, i will say that his vocal performance of Open Arms wasn't the worst of the night... But he's just playing at popstar and won't get away with it forever. I am jealous that Dermot did the bromance shoulder bump hug with him though :(
• Alexandra closes the show with an absolutely knock em dead version of Without You. Her vocal soars, though her tics and gesticulating is becoming as annoying as Diana. Can't fault her vocal though and she raises a mediocre night into something remotely interesting. Bravo Alexandra.

So the bottom two are Laura and Ruth. And i kind of think, no matter how much i dislike Eoghan and Daniel, that based on the disasterous piano performance that Laura deserves to be there. Ruth absolutely does not and it should've been Rachel and her bad attitude and poor pitch on the stage. Still the judges do the decent thing and save Ruth. Chery is so furious that she no longer has three acts that she can barely speak. Or perhaps she just saw what she was wearing... Dannii remains supreme with 3 acts in the competition, the only judge to do so. Even if two of them are shockingly bad. god knows what next week will bring!!

TOP 21 SONGS OF THE WEEK:

Cheering me up after a piss poor X Factor was a cover feature on Observer Music Monthly of Take That. I'm saving it for reading on way to Florida, but can't resist this lovely little pic. Greatest Day continues to grow on me weekly and finally goes top 3 this week. YAY!

21 ~ Sugababes, Girls
20 ~ Jason Mraz, Make It Mine
19 ~ Pink, So What
18 ~ Miley Cyrus, Fly On The Wall
17 ~ Rongedal, Hello Euphoria
16 ~ The Feeling, Won't Go Away
15 ~ Marit Larsen, If A Song Could Get Me You
14 ~ Infernal, Whenever You Need Me
13 ~ Mariah Carey, I Stay In Love (NE)
12 ~ Alphabeat, What Is Happening
11 ~ Britney Spears, Womanizer (NE) (thanks to damn D'Luv!)
10 ~ William Young, Grace
09 ~ Lenka, The Show
08 ~ Kylie & Dannii, The Winner Takes It All
07 ~ Alesha Dixon, The Boy Does Nothing
06 ~ Darin, Breathing Your Love
05 ~ The Killers, Human
04 ~ Britannia High, Start of Something
03 ~ Take That, Greatest Day
02 ~ Girls Aloud, The Promise
01 ~ Same Difference, We Are One (1 Week)
Previous number ones of 2008: The Feeling-I Thought It Was Over (4 weeks); David Jordan-Sun Goes Down (4 weeks); Jesse McCartney-Leaving (3 weeks); Madonna-4 Minutes (2 weeks); The Feeling-Without You (4 weeks); BWO-Lay Your Love On Me (3 weeks); Maroon 5 ft Rihanna-Never See Your Face Again (2 weeks); Kylie-The One (3 weeks); Lily Allen-GWB (2 weeks); Miley Cyrus - 7 Things (5 weeks); The Feeling - Join With Us (3 weeks); Marit Larsen - If A Song (3 weeks); The Killers - Human (1 week); Girls Aloud - The Promise (5 weeks)