Lopez Blogs

I've been so much out of the loop with non-Swedish music of late that I've had a couple of pleasant (French) surprises in the last couple of days.

Firstly the always-wonderful Poster Girl told us that Christophe Willem was on the way back; now I've just discovered that one of my all time favourite French singers Calogero will release his new album next month. I'm hoping it is a return to form after Pomme C, which although OK, wasn't up to the standard of "3" or "Calogero" (IMHO) anyway I need to investigate further...

• To be honest, the first day of the holiday (the "travel" day) passed in a feverish blur. I quickly developed some evil strain of bug on Friday night, which meant that by the time I got on the plane (to a middle seat! The world is so cruel sometimes) I was shivering, sweaty, phleghmy, coughing, sniffing... Oh. I should probably stop. I am no doubt turning you on with my alluring description :)


• Try as I might, I couldn't sleep on the plane (I am snobby and think that economy airline staff will rob my wallet if I doze - unless you are reading this and work on one, then you are of course the most lovely exception to that rule) so managed to read the whole of the latest Diary of a Chav series. A couple of laugh out loud moments had me coughing up a lung, much to the distaste of the woman on my right. It's not like I didn't cover my mouth!! (Though I suspect that glistening thing on her cheek was a bit of my errant spittle, so fair "dos" I suppose)...


• I honestly didn't know that CHAV stood for Council House and Violent. Lumme!


• After a lo-ooo-o-ng debacle over the car hire vehicle (which I was far too tired and irritable to deal with - leading to the most mortifyingly laughable statement to ever pass my lips "Listen ugly betty, don't think i won't call your superior because I will, cough cough, hack hack, etc". God I'm an arse sometimes. Hideous), we arrived at our gorgeous little holiday bungalow with lovely patio and pool and only two mins from the sea. Lush. Only downside? 2 single beds :( More on that later....


• Mr Pants dosed me up with medicine and put me to (single) bed, where I slept all afternoon. The little prince even went and got me ice cream for when I woke up. I married good, people :P


• Felt much better by Sunday morning, so we went for a walk through the Maspalomas sand dunes, which lead to the beach. Absolutely gorgeous- sand for miles. Clear blue skies. Weird and wonderful plants. The distant sound of the ocean. and if you get slightly off the recommended route as Darren and I ACCIDENTALLY did, you see the more salubrious activities that the dunes are famous for - a gay dogging area :O And I ain't talking Crufts. These were pure mongrels. (oxymoron?) Walking past a bush to find an old naked Spanish gentleman having a widdle who then says "you like that I should peeeese on you?" is not my idea of a heavenly getaway. Neither is stumbling - ALMOST LITERALLY - across a forty year old fatty bouncing on some frankly terrified looking twink instructing him to "tug on my tits you lazy c***!!" :O :O :O x one million. SWEET BLOSSOM RUSSO!


• I think because I was still goofy on medication, and Darren hasn't had a drunk since his op, we got very drunk on very few drinks on Sunday night. We went to some cabaret bar and I got hammered after 2 Schmirnof Ice (v. Diary of a Chav) This did not bode well for when I got dragged on stage to copy the professional dancer. Still I am quite proud of how high I jumped when copying his mid-air splits manouevre. Though my crotch was a bit achey.


• On the single beds? Thanks to portion control, wii fit, me being within my ideal BMI and Darren being v buff indeed, they didn't pose a problem. We are both surprisingly limber and bendy. Overshare?


• I'm not one to lie by the pool or bake on the beach (I have an irrational fear of getting any sort of cancer again so slather myself in factor 50), but don't mind curling under a tree or in the shade of the bungalow patio while Darren catches some "rays". This is how I ploughed through Stephanie Myer's Eclipse by Tuesday morning. It was MUCH better than New Moon - except for the preachy part about waiting until marriage for nookie. I'd have to check but i'm pretty sure she lifted that word for word from "Mormon Doctrine".


• A trip to the water park was fun and despite the glorious weather, it was very quiet indeed. Busy enough though that one could see where people had missed putting suntan lotion on their bodies - weird red patches decorating their sides and backs like angry tattoos. Anyway it was a proper good time - though the vertical slide gave me an atomic wedgie reawakening my achey crotch. My trunks were nearly nipple high by the time I reached the bottom six seconds later. Owsers.


• Seeing as I finished my book, I caught up on tv shows on the Archos. Bro and Sis is fast becoming my very fave OTT soapy drama (loving Ryan), though Grey's Anatomy is slowly digging itself out of the crappola hole that mired the first half of this season. It had two GREAT lines this week that were all in the delivery:
  - (Meredith on the news of Christina's solo surgery) "Congratulations. I know I should sound more excited for you, but I'm not that big a person"
  - (Christina to Izzy after the latter hears the interns call a patient 'blowhole' and wondering if her condition means she will be 'scrambled cheese brain') "No. Scrambled cheese brain is too long. Blowhole is pithy" Amazing :)


• Another night out, another visit to the cabaret bars and clubs. Let's talk bathrooms for a moment. (Obviously not what goes on in them because that would be distasteful - especially in the slutty Yumbo centre where - let us not forget - Sean Same Diff infamously declared he once had sex. Yikes) Apparently at Sparkles Showbar, men are only allowed to tinkle. Urinals, but no stalls! Plus the urinals are so close together, i had to check on more than one occasion that I was holding my own todger. I was. And! If you are at the far urinal, which I was once, when the bathroom door opens everyone gets a birdseye view of what you are up to! Good gravy.


• And at aces musicals bar Centre Stage (possibly the only place in the world where really tough looking dudes scream in delight when The Lonely Goatherd or America appear on the video screen) there is no lock on the one person at a time bathroom. I am now an expert at, uh, holding and aiming with one hand, and pushing the door shut with the other. It has really improved my yoga skills.


• The none-dunes seafront walk is really quite lovely. Sea and sand on one side and bountiful flowers on the other. It's quite the hike too. No wonder I had lost another 3lbs by the time I had gotten home to England! Darren and I were walking along, chatting quite merrily when he felt this hand tap him on the shoulder. Even though there was plenty of room on the promenade, this feisty old German woman moved him out the way, pointing her finger in his face as she moved past. Quite bizarre. Nearly as funny as when some gypsies grabbed his hands, wrapped twine around his fingers and tried to force him to buy lucky heather! He only got away by bending the woman's fingers back and running from the loony leprachauns :P


• Ah, there is nowt so queer as folk. Walking down to the Yumbo one night, we were behind this charming old couple holding hands and chatting. How sweet I thought until I was transfixed with horror as a wet patch began to creep up the ladies rear crotch and spread up her bottom. She didn't even skip a beat, though both her and her husband fingered the wet patch, smelt it and obviously decided it wasn't worth going home for. Meanwhile Darren and I tittered like immature school girls behind them!


• Good Lord! I mean, what exactly do you do when the drunken owner of a bar takes a bit of a shine to you, unbuttons his shirt and starts suggestively pulling on chains attached to nipple clamps with a look on his face that says "Look. It's my nipples. For you. Have a go. Ooo. I don't think you know what pain is. I'm not going to hurt you. Just close your eyes. Etc" (Wow a look can say a lot). My feet have never been so fascinating. Darren laughed like a drain.


• After 10 games of Mario Party on DS this holiday, I won exactly two. And that was pure luck. I have no skill at these sort of things, which is surprising considering how dexterous and responsive my fingers are on a piano keyboard. Plus after that many losses, my external gracious loser face was replaced by an outward showing of my internal rage and impotence. Good sportsmanship be damned! I was miffed :(

THE END :) (btw do not click on the photos for big versions. I have red eyes in all of them and look demonic!)

Come close my children. Speak of this to no-one and forsaketh me not. What I am about to tell you is both shocking and awe inspiring. Oh bollocks. That is my pre-prepared back from the dead speech, not my back from holiday speech. Oops. Anyway, I got back late last night, and it was rather lovely actually to have a whole week with no computers, phone, internet, etc. Strangely liberating. I shall do a full post on the holiday tomorrow, but for now here is a little teaser. Tragically, two of the following statements are true occurences of this holiday with only one being made up :(

1. A woman piddled herself - literally - right in front of darren and I
2. A young lady threw up on my shoes
3. A drunken bar owner unbuttoned his shirts and tugged on his nipple clamps trying to seduce me.

All will be revealed shortly. On with what I apparently missed this very week...

• Blimey. Everyone and his mom made a music video this week for the public to enjoy. Lily Allen and her ode to crap shags in Not Fair, Girls Aloud with no dancing robots in Untouchable and Take That (above) with a butchered edit of The Garden. The video is quite nice, a bit Back For Good - though - like Untouchable - you are probably best off sticking to the album version. Magnif.
• I knew I liked Just Jack for a reason. Not only is he woefully underrated as a purveyor of finely crafted pop tunes, but he has excellent opinions on popstars too. Now to be fair he probably hates Same Difference too, but for now I will revel in ANYONE in the world actually sharing my gaga opinion!!
• The charts went a bit crap didn't they? First of all Pet Shop Boys miss the top ten altogether with Love Etc (no comma) and then don't even get a number one album, being kept off the top spot by Ronan Keating. It's a crime against music.
• Ryan Ferrada, god love im, has gone even more slutty and dirty. It's a Ryan I can totally get down with. He has two new ace songs on his myspace - Room 501 which apparently is about orgies, and Liquid Love, well if I really need to explain what that's about then you should probably go ask your folks about the birds and the bees. Or watch this video.
• Albums galore I have loved on holiday (and on coming back). Mans Zelmerlow = very good. BWO = very good. Kevin Borg = quite good. Erik Hassle = very good. And of course lovely John reminded me of the new Indigo Girls album, which I am already appreciating.
• Finally, talking of Mans Zelmerlow (i question sometimes whether he is human, such a perfect specimen of a man he is), rumour has it he may be taking a part in Chicago. IN LONDON!! (thanks PPG). While indeed I am sure he can turn his knack to any role, he may indeed be better suited to Link in Hairspray, or perhaps Fiyero in Wicked. But I'll take Mans wherever I can get him :)

TOP 21 SONGS OF THE WEEK:

21 ~ Alesha Dixon, Breathe Slow
20 ~ The Saturdays, Just Can't Get Enough
19 ~ Take That, The Garden (NE)
18 ~ Simon Curtis/Victoria Justice, On The Wings of a Dream
17 ~ Girls Aloud, Untouchable
16 ~ Lily Allen, Not Fair (NE)
15 ~ Kelly Clarkson, My Life Would Suck Without You
14 ~ Simon Curtis/Victoria Justice, The Things We Do For Love (NE/VID)
13 ~ Infernal, Redefinition
12 ~ The Days, No Ties
11 ~ Lenka, Trouble Is A Friend
10 ~ McFly, Last Song
09 ~ Sugababes, Every Heart Broken
08 ~ Taylor Swift, Love Story
07 ~ Deborah Gibson, Already Gone
06 ~ Pet Shop Boys, Love etc.
05 ~ Same Difference, All Roads Lead To Heaven
04 ~ Kevin Borg, With Every Bit of Me
03 ~ Alcazar, Stay The Night
02 ~ Mans Zelmerlow, Hope and Glory
01 ~ BWO, You're Not Alone (4 weeks)

Coming this week: The Holiday Diaries part god knows whatever; Things that make me euphoric; some new artists...
Coming sometime maybe: Album reviews of Kevin, Mans, Bwo, Indigo Girls, Erik Hassle and several others...

Smycken för en operadiva. Maria Callas utstyrsel i "La Traviata"

Opera ligger ju i tiden och vad passar då bättre än ett besök på Kungliga Operan i Stockholm. Jag ville ju gärna se om det fanns någon schlager-feeling bland kulisserna i denna anrika kulturella högborg. Tack vare Sten och Ingemar fick jag möjlighet att lyssna till hovsångerskan Nina Stemmes fantastiska sopran. Hon hade nog kunnat ge Malena Ernman en match i Melodifestivalen. Nina höll sig dock till Wagner och Verdi och det var gott nog. Fredrik Kempe får nog fila på sina låtar om han ska ha en chans att ens nå i närheten av dessa två kompositörsgiganter.

Som extra bonus hann jag också se vandringsutställningen ”Maria Callas & Swarovski: Jewels on Stage” som har visats i Guldfoajén på Operan under februari och mars. ”La Divina” Callas (1923-1977) var helt övertygad om att hennes framgång delvis berodde på den kristallsmyckade krona som hon bar när hon debuterade i Verona 1947 i operan ”La Gioconda”. Kronan var designad av familjen Marangoni i Milano, med kristaller och pärlor från Swarovski . Med tiden blev stenarna en del av Callas varumärke och hennes lyckobringare. Sedan 1999 ingår Marangoni i Swarovski-koncernen och man har fortsatt att leverera smycken till världsstjärnor som t.ex. Elton John, Madonna, Nicole Kidman.

En av mina favoritböcker handlar faktiskt om Maria Callas, denna mytomspunna grekisk-amerikanska operalegend. Jag kan å det varmaste rekommendera ”Greek Fire” av Nicholas Gage. Den handlar om Callas’ förhållande med redarkungen Aristoteles Onassis. Kärlekshistorien fick ett olyckligt slut för Callas. Hon blev övergiven av Onassis sedan han fått upp ögonen för en före detta presidentfru - Jacqueline Kennedy.


Skor för en schlager-diva. Jag är sååå lycklig över mitt inköp idag!

Detta guldbälte hade gjort succé i Moskva. Callas bar det i operan "MacBeth"

PS: Har fått några nya favoriter bland eurovisionsbidragen. Polen och Island bidrar med tävlingens snyggaste ballader och som extra bonus får vi dessutom riktiga, rejäla modulationer på slutet.
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(One week on from the release of "Astronaut", and I've still got it on constant repeat at EuropeCrazy HQ but I've decided to limit Salem's songs to a maximum of five per week on the playlist - need to get some other songs on it too ha ha!!)

"Cold Shower" - Salem: stunning opening track to the new album which just seems to get better with every listen. Clever call-and-response lyrics wrapped up in a confident and intelligent musical arrangement.

"One of the Others" - Salem: still my favourite on the new album - a perfect example of timeless songwriting. A totally amazing song.

"Astronaut" - Salem: the current single, but it seems to make even more sense on the album. Becomes more lovely everytime I hear it.

"Brooklyn Sun" - Salem: a beautiful, new, unreleased song performed live last weekend at Bengans in Stockholm. I'm not sure how long it will be around on YouTube so check it out while you still can.

"Roxy" - Salem: coincidentally I am actually listening to this song right this minute. The more I hear it, the more it screams "international hit", it's such a fun song you can't help singing along with it.

"Jai Ho" - AR Rahman & the Pussycat Dolls: with "Slumdog Millionaire" mania still going, the PCDs go for a quick and very catchy cash-in.

"I'm Not Alone" - Calvin Harris: I still think this will be a massive hit, although so far my (dull) local radio station is ignoring it. Poor old Calvin's not too well at the moment - hope you get better soon!

"Shake It" - Metro Station: there is probably something deeply wrong in liking this because it has a member of the Cyrus family on it, but I do find it terribly catchy, against my better judgement.

"Forever" - Måns Zelmerlöw: rejoice, for the album is out, and I will be buying it when I go over to Sweden in three weeks. This is like Basshunter's "All I Ever Wanted" wrapped up in pure Måns-tastic-ness.

"Tingeling" (about 40 versions of this at the moment, any one will do). Yes I know it's wrong, but as the great Kanye West once said ...."I can't get much wronger".

I'm kicking off an occasional series now, of some Swedish songs from the past which are pretty special to me.

"...sorrow and pain, in the air that I breathe"

Extremely moving soulful song from a few years ago, "Tears Never Dry" never fails to move me and I always get a lump in my throat whenever I hear it.

Find it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwkh-tmjhzY

Sorry I'm not as upbeat as usual tonight...been a bit stressed-out of late but the weekend is on the way and happiness will follow :)

Forgive me if I'm not 100% excited about the pending Spandau Ballet reunion. (And before you say anything, I was a big fan of the band in the 1980s, so I'm not just just making a cheap shot before you ask).

The split was one of the most acrimonious band-splits I can remember, yet suddenly the differences are all put aside for a reunion tour which is predicted to make an estimated £12 million for the reformed Spandau Ballet. So forgive me if I feel a tad sceptical.

Tonight I checked 'Planet Sound' (a daily must-see on Channel 4 teletext, for British TV viewers) which announced the tour dates and the ticket prices. £45 to £60 per ticket. Now I'm not being a cheapskate, but isn't it all a bit too much? For a band which, just a few years ago, couldn't even bear to be in the same courtroom as each other never mind stand and play on the same stage?